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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22423870">Can Our Love Survive?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wintersoldier16/pseuds/Wintersoldier16'>Wintersoldier16</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Can Our Love Survive? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Awesome Sarah Rogers, Coming Out, Drinking, Drug Use, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Language, Lies, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nurse Sarah Rogers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Secrets, Slow Burn, Violence, eventaul minor character death, eventaul trauma, protective friends, sam should really shut his mouth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:47:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22423870</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wintersoldier16/pseuds/Wintersoldier16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Y/N Rogers was just existing through high school. Her past has made her circle of friends protective of her, making sure it won’t repeat itself so she doesn’t get hurt again. What happens when a hot brunette from Indiana shows up and sets his eyes on the shy girl? Cue an overbearing big brother whose a brick shit house and captain of the football team, a scary best friend, a host of people loyal to the Rogers siblings and big bad mom Sarah Rogers who goes above and beyond for the kids she loves dearly. Can Our Love Survive? is a roller coaster that will have you feeling some type of way and will test if love really can make it through all the shit life can throw at you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clint Barton/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Natasha Romanov (Marvel) &amp; Reader, Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Can Our Love Survive? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They say true love never dies. You were never one to believe that something like that could ever be your life. Gone were the days of fairy tales and princesses. Your last tea party was when you were eight, and Prince Charming was so out of your reach, but now you were sixteen and life has a funny way of intervening and making you question what you thought was unattainable.</p><p>Which is why your gaze was currently locked and your body unable to move. Standing several lockers down was the most gorgeous guy you had ever laid eyes on, and all you could do is stare like a deer caught in the headlights of a car before the crash that would inevitably take its life. </p><p>“Y/N?!” You were brought from your daze by a female voice. </p><p>“Jesus Christ, Nat! What the hell?” You replied, trying desperately to shake off the fact that your best friend had caught you with your tongue practically hanging out and drooling. </p><p>“Take a picture, it lasts longer,” she jokes with a smirk.</p><p>“I wasn't staring! It's… who is he? I've never seen him before, he's gotta be new, right?” If there’s one thing you knew about your best friend, she had a way of knowing everything. Nothing escaped her. Her super knowledge and dangerous looks made you happy to be her best friend, and not her worst enemy. </p><p>“His name is James Barnes, and yes he's new. Just moved here from Indiana. Parents divorced or something like that. So far that's all I know.” Nat tells you like she was just casually reciting poem and not giving you the details of the guy, you very much attracted to. </p><p>“He's hot,” you whispered quietly, hoping it wouldn't be heard. </p><p>“Who's hot and what did I miss?” A male voice sounded from behind you and you found yourself surrounded by the presence of your very annoying twin brother Steve.  </p><p>For being twins, you looked nothing alike. The only common thread you shared is your birthday. Steve was two hundred pounds of muscle, with blonde hair and blue eyes, looking very much like your mother. At six foot two inches, he was sculpted like a Greek god and the girls loved him. You on the other hand, looked like your father. Your skin was pale, but it fit you. You never wore makeup, opting for a more natural look. You weren't stunningly beautiful, but there was a beauty about you that did not get overlooked. </p><p>“Your sister here was just ogling the new guy.” Nat said with a laugh. </p><p>“James? You're staring at James?” Steve questions, a sly look in his eyes. You knew that look well. Many fights had been started with that face alone and you knew nothing good would come from your twin brother. </p><p>“Don't you dare STEVEN GRANT! If you do, so help me I will throat punch you…” That was all you managed to get out before your idiot twin was yelling out to the new guy, trying to get his attention. </p><p>“James!” Steve yelled out, waving his arms out in the air like a traffic controller at the airport. “James Barnes! Come over here!” </p><p>You watch as James makes eye contact with Steve and he sighs heavily, shutting his locker door and making his way over to the three of you. You could tell he was a little bit uneasy, his walk was slow, and he ran nervous fingers through his hair, but he still trucked on in your direction, obviously not wanting to make enemies this early in his new-found high school.</p><p>As he got closer, you take a minute to assess the new guy. Everything about him was attractive. He was just slightly shorter than your brother which meant you’d have to stand on your tippy toes to kiss him. His hair was the perfect shade of dark brown and you just wanted to rub your fingers through his short, perfect hair. The shirt he was wearing gripped his chest and you could make out his sculpted muscles underneath. “Jesus!” You thought in your head. “Where in the actual fuck of Indiana did this guy come from?” James was utter perfection, and the closer he got, the more you realized you were totally gone on this perfect specimen standing in front of you.</p><p>“Hey Steve, what's up?” Specimen says on approach. </p><p>“Not much James.” Steve extends out his hand for something you recognized as a “bro” handshake. You'll never quite understand the oddity that was your brother and his ridiculous barbaric traditions he displays. </p><p>“Steve, I told you to call me Bucky. Only my mom calls me James.” </p><p>God his deep voice is doing things to your body, a chill running down your spine. Perfection personified. Your thoughts keep going to a naughty place and you can't help but think about all the ways you wanted to hear him talk to you alone and in bed, which should not be happening right now. Given your past, why suddenly is your body betraying you?</p><p>“I want you to meet these two ladies.” Your bothers voice pulls out of your fantasy. “Bucky, this is Natasha, but don't you dare call her that.” Steve warns with a smile. </p><p>“Hello James, it's nice to meet you.” Nat extends her hand out to Bucky in a greeting. He eyes the red head skeptically for a moment before taking her hand and giving it a strong shake.</p><p>“Please call me Bucky.” The brunette tells her just as he had Steve.</p><p>“Sure, thing James.” Nat smirk and releases his hand. </p><p>Steve was perfect at reading people and chuckled at the awkwardness in the air. “Don't let her scare you,” Steve laughs, “she's all bark and no bite. Nat just looks like she wants to kill everybody. Keeps the wrong people away.” </p><p>“It's called resting bitch face, and it keeps everybody away!” </p><p>“Everyone except me!” Steve places his arm around the redhead, pulling her into a side hug. </p><p>“Please tell me why I can't get rid of you again?” Nat rolls her eyes playfully. </p><p>“Because you love me, and we’re a package deal.” Steve grins and Nat pushes him off her with ease. </p><p>You shake your head at the scene before you, wondering if you had been forgotten in the background, when Bucky turns his blue eyes in your direction and smiles brightly. </p><p>“I'm sorry, I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Bucky, and who might you be?” </p><p>You suddenly lost your voice. You could feel the panic start to ensue, and felt the walls closing in on you. Now was not the time for a panic attack! Why couldn't you just be a normal, healthy young girl? </p><p>“Hey, are you alright?” </p><p>There was a soft voice in your ear, but you couldn't place who it belonged to. If you could just get ahold of your breathing, you could try to get out of this hell that was your embarrassment and run and hide for the rest of your life. You could feel yourself shutting down when strong arms surrounded you and pulled you into a hug. You recognized the smell of the fabric and the voice in your ear, but just couldn't make out the words being said. </p><p>“Breathe, baby girl. Just breathe. I've got you. Breathe.” Steve words were starting to come through in your head and you latched onto it, doing your very best to come back to reality. “Y/N, just relax and breathe for me.” You could feel yourself coming out of this attack and your breathing evened out. After what felt like an eternity, you were finally able to look into your brothers’ blue eyes, your own glassy and on the brink of tears.  </p><p>“Sweetheart, are you ok now?” Steve’s face was looking down at yours full of worry. </p><p>This had become a common occurrence in your life as of late. As your twin, the two of you shared a bond, but he was the only one that truly knew what was going on with you and the struggle you had with anxiety that had been rearing its ugly head for a while now thanks to your past. </p><p>“Yeah, I th-think I'm ok, oh fuck!” You look up and see Bucky staring straight at you trying to figure out what he had done wrong and your face flushes in embarrassment. You hadn't even officially met this guy and you had already scared him off! There would be no way to redeem yourself and he would certainly think you were a freak for your reaction to his introduction. </p><p>Bucky must have sensed your impending doom and stepped forward extending his hand out to you. “Let's try this again. I'm Bucky, and it's very nice to meet you and I'd like to get to know you, but in order to do that I need to know your name.” </p><p>You dazed at him processing the simple words he just said. Even though he’d witnessed you having a small breakdown, he still wanted to know your name. You reached out and finally put your hand in his in a friendly shake. Oh god, you were touching his hand. Yep, still perfect and you were totally screwed. </p><p>“I'm y/n… Steve's sister,” you replied hesitantly. “I-I’m sorry about what you saw, I don't know why that happened.” </p><p>Bucky smiled a perfect smile and shrugs. “I make no judgement. Besides, I like the fact that I just made you breathless. That's actually never happened before.” He laughs at himself making you grin, the tension starting to slip away.  </p><p>Nat rolls her eyes and groans, obviously done with everyone and ready to end this day. “So now that we're all acquaintances, it's time to go! James, it was nice meeting you. I'm sure we'll be seeing you around,” she says sternly. </p><p>“Yes, I'd like that!” A blush begins heating up his cheeks. </p><p>“Y/N, let's go!” Nat turns to you with a fierce determination. You weren't sure why, but your body was on autopilot, and just wanted to obey her every command. </p><p>“I'll…I’ll see you around Bucky!” You reply as you were being pulled away by your best friend. </p><p>“See you at home!” Steve yelled as you were being dragged out of the hallway. You turned back and gave a short wave to the two men standing next to each other. </p><p>Bucky stood next to Steve in the now empty hallway, trying to figure out what comes next. </p><p>“So, that was my twin sister and Nat,” Steve begins to explain, “I hope you weren't scared off by them. Nat’s her best friend, and she's very protective of her.”  </p><p>Bucky nods and shrugs his shoulders, accepting the explanation. “No worries man. Good friends are hard to come by. We all need someone to look out for us sometimes, keeps you grounded.” </p><p>“My thoughts exactly!” Steve smiles back at him. “You need a ride somewhere, Buck?” </p><p>Bucky looks at him shocked by the shortening of his nickname but doesn’t call Steve out for it. “Yeah. I'm pretty sure I missed the bus.”  </p><p>“Let's go then!” Steve pats him on the shoulder and heads towards the stairs, Bucky following behind.</p><p>Walking away in silence Bucky starts to think about everything that took place a short time ago. Nat was scary but senses a loyalty about her. He's also pretty sure if he steps out of line, she’ll decimate him with little effort. He thinks about Steve and is pretty sure they will be friends for life if he doesn't do something epically stupid to fuck things up. </p><p>Then his thoughts drift to y/n. In their brief encounter, he deducted she didn't like to be the center of attention, hanging back just slightly from her brother. She was beautiful and shy, and he wanted to get to know her better, if she'd let him. He smiled as he walked out the school to Steve's car. The only thought in his head was of y/n, and how he could make her his.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter will address the relationship between Reader and Nat. Everyone needs a BFF like her!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few weeks had passed since you’d met Bucky in the hallway. He seemed like a great guy with an even better personality, and you knew your first impression of him was correct. You were falling for this guy, hard and fast. The problem was, he didn't know it and you certainly weren't about to rush into a confession of attraction to Mr. Hot As Fuck! </p><p>It's not that you didn't have the opportunity to talk to him and could’ve done so countless times over. Bucky and Steve were seemingly attached at the hip and wherever one was, the other wasn't far behind. Bucky had even become a fixture at your house, hanging with Steve, doing homework or whatever bro thing guys do. There was a serious bromance boiling between the two and you were not getting in the middle of that. Nat even started referring to the two as “Stucky” and it fit them like a glove.</p><p>Besides, your anxiety made it near impossible to interact with him. He'd already seen you have a panic attack during your first meeting, and even though he didn't have a negative reaction, you couldn't stand the thought of him thinking of you as Steve’s creepy sister. Too many people already though that about you so, it's best just to stay quietly in the shadows and just exist. No reason to draw anymore extra attention to yourself.  </p><p>You were so lost in thought sitting by yourself in the lunchroom, you didn't hear your best friend approach. </p><p>“Y/N!” Nat yells, breaking you out of your trance. “I've been calling your name. Are you deaf?” </p><p>“Yes, yes I am. Can't you see my hearing aid?” You smirk, pointing to the ear that was clearly void of a hearing device. </p><p>Nat doesn’t look impressed and rolls her eyes at you. “I must’ve missed seeing it with your head shoved so far up your own ass. What are you doing here alone, anyway?” </p><p>“Uh, pretty sure I'm doing what everyone else is doing and eating lunch?” It comes out as more of a question. You could already tell this was not going to end well. Nat knew you were deflecting and wasn’t about to put up with your shit. </p><p>“Ok…,” she says a little too calmly for your liking, “I'm not buying whatever it is you’re selling. You've been too quiet lately and it ends now. If you continue to isolate yourself, you’re letting him win. It's time to move forward and forget what that ass hole and his friends did to you.” </p><p>Sighing heavily, you know she's right, but you still crawl into yourself a little more. “Nat… it's not that easy-” <br/>“The hell it isn't!” Nat cuts you off, a burning fury in her eyes. “He used you, and once he was done, he let his friends humiliate you. That piece of shit took advantage of your kindness and left you feeling like you were at fault! You know none of what happened was your fault and I’ll be damned if you continue to shut yourself off from anything new because of that raving lunatic!”  </p><p>You could feel your eyes start to water. Everything she said was true, but you just hated knowing you ultimately let it happen. The result of trusting Brock Rumlow was a ruined reputation, humiliation from everyone at school, anxiety and panic attacks, and shutting people out and keeping others at a safe distance. Only your core group of friends knew what really happened, and that was stressful knowing you had let them down by not listening to their advice in the first place.  </p><p>“Nat, can we please not talk about this?” You began wiping the tears from your eyes, upset from the mention of “he who must not be named”.</p><p>“Alright…,” she conceded, “…let's talk about something else. How's James?” She throws you a pointed smirk. </p><p>You chuckle and shrug your shoulders. “Wouldn't know. You'd have to ask Steve. Why, are you interested?” You try to deflect again, not wanting to address her question. </p><p>“Y/N, you know he's not my type, but he is yours. You should talk to him.” </p><p>You laughed out loud, Nat watching you with her trademark stoic face looking none too pleased by your new-found amusement. “Yeah, I'm not about that life at this time. I've given up talking to guys for Lent.” </p><p>“Good thing Easter is in the spring and not fall, you've got plenty of time to make a move.” </p><p>Her quick-witted reply makes you roll your eyes. “And what makes you think this’ll turn out any better than last time?” </p><p>Nat leans in, her eyes locked on yours. “Because, darling… I'm giving you the go ahead. I never did before.” </p><p>“You never said anything.” You remind her. </p><p>“My silence on the matter should have told you my feelings. For someone so smart, you can be so dense. Besides, I think he likes you and Steve can vouch for him.” <br/>“Now look who's dense” You joked. “All the more reason to stay away. I can't come between a Stucky romance. Think of the children!” You laughed, using Nat's nickname for the pair. </p><p>“Look, all I'm saying is talk to him, not plan your future wedding. Let him know there's more to you than the rumor mill and panic attacks. James could be the one to surprise you.” </p><p>“Nat... I just can't. Look...,” you pointed to the other end of the lunch room. </p><p>Nat turns and focuses her attention to Steve and Bucky. They were surrounded by a few of your mutual friends, one of them being her current love interest, Sam. The boys were surrounded by some of the more popular girls in the school, the ones who had helped to humiliate you after word got out about what happened between you and Brock, and they had their claws set on Bucky. </p><p>“What I see is a guy who's just being nice. Don't let them get to you.” She turns back around to face you.</p><p>“Kinda hard not to…. they know how to get what they want,” it comes out as a whisper and sounding slightly hurt. You knew you’d never be that pretty and overly confidante. You were shy and reserved and hella awkward. Certainly not the girl of anyone's dreams.  </p><p>Nat looked at you and you could see the gears turning. “I'll make you a deal. You talk to him, really talk to him, and after a month if he doesn't like you even more than I'm sure he already does, I'll let you drive my car.” </p><p>You were shocked. Nat owned a black 1970 Pontiac GTO Judge with white racing stripes courtesy of her grandfather. She never let anyone drive her piece of American muscle. </p><p>“For a week?” You began contemplating her offer. </p><p>She huffed but resigned to her fate. “Agreed, but no half ass attempts. You need to go all in! That car means way too much to me, so I need some serious effort outta you.” </p><p>“Aww Nat, I knew you loved me! I promise, no half assing it.” You smiled. </p><p>You looked at the clock and noticed this entire conversation took up your whole lunch hour. “We better go, teachers gotta get paid.” You grabbed your trash and walked to the nearest exist, Nat following you out the door towards your next class. <br/>“One-month Y/N, starts now…and you know I never make a bet I can't win.” Nat says, confidence radiating out of her pores. <br/>“Wait, what do I get if I win?” You called out to her as she walks away.</p><p>“Prince Charming and a fairy tale ending.” Nat smirks and walks away down the hall.</p><p>“Shit.” You sighed and scrunched your face. How the hell were you going to pull this off? There was no way Bucky liked you, Nat was fooling herself. You were just Steve’s sister. Nothing special. So, how were you going to get his attention and win the guy of your dreams? Fuck, if you knew. How the hell was this even your life?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This fic is a slow burn. That being said, have some Bucky, Steve, Sam interaction! I promise Bucky/Reader to come!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky didn't know what to do. He knew he liked you, but you never talked to him, so he thought you weren't interested. You never looked his way and even made it a point to stay away from him whenever all of you were hanging out together. He truly was at a loss and ready to give up hope something could ever comes from the crush he had developed on you. </p>
<p>“Man, why the face?” Steve sits down next to him, opening his science book. </p>
<p>“Just thinking.” Bucky shrugs, not wanting Steve to know he'd been thinking about his sister. </p>
<p>“Care to elaborate?” The blond questions, giving Bucky an opportunity to open up to him. </p>
<p>Bucky contemplates for a moment, deciding if it’s a subject he wants to broach. “Can I ask you something Steve?” </p>
<p>“Free country, shoot.” </p>
<p>Taking the opening, he asks the one thing that’s been clouding his thoughts as of late. “What's up with your sister?”  </p>
<p>Steve glares at his friend, wondering what could bring on such a direct question. “What do you mean?” Steve answers a little harshly. </p>
<p>Bucky resigns himself to his fate and looks at Steve nervously. “I mean, she doesn't talk to me or even really look at me. I'd like to get to know her, since I spend a lot of time at your house, but I feel like she wants nothing to do with me, like I have the plague or something. Did I do something wrong?” </p>
<p>Sighing, he relaxes his features and sits back in the chair choosing his next words carefully, so he doesn’t divulge things that are not ready to be told. “No Buck, it's not you. For the past year, Y/N has been dealing with some personal stuff. I can't tell you what, but just know that’s why she seems closed off. She was so full of life, once. Carefree, outgoing, happy. She's now a shell of the person she was before. Give her time. I’m sure she'll come around.” </p>
<p>Bucky had heard talk about Y/N and a senior named Brock. He tried not to listen, but the pieces he’d heard weren't good. Bucky knew who Brock was and he was not impressed. The boy was very arrogant and looked down at everyone else, wanting people to fear him. The guy was a grade a douche canoe and Bucky couldn't understand how you had gotten mixed up with a shitbag like him. Bucky wanted to stomp the life out of him for hurting someone as precious as you. </p>
<p>“Steve, I…” was all Bucky was able to get out before he felt a pain in his arm and the laugh of the man that was Sam Wilson. “What the fuck Sam! What the hell’d I ever do to you?” Bucky rubs his left arm, hoping the hard punch wouldn’t leave a mark. </p>
<p>“It's not what you've done, but what you will do. I heard you ask about my girl.” Sam grins at Steve.</p>
<p>“Your girl?” Steve looks puzzled. “Since when is my sister your girl, and does Nat know about this?”  </p>
<p>“Since last year,” Sam replies, looking very much like this is just another day and pointless conversation, “…and yes, Nat knows. It called polyamory Steve. Google it. The last thing Y/N needs is the mess you are Barnes.” Sam’s eyes have moved to Bucky in a challenge. </p>
<p>“Who said I was a mess?” Bucky’s quick to defend himself. </p>
<p>“Please, I can read you like a book. The last thing she needs is to get hurt and I will make damn sure you stay away.” Sam’s words sound like a threat. “You're a lady’s man, Barnes. I've seen the way you flirt with the girls. No way you're breaking her heart.” </p>
<p>Bucky can’t believe what he’s hearing, especially from someone he thought was his friend. He looks to Steve, not knowing just what he can say without upsetting their mass of friend and   sees anger in the blonde’s eyes.<br/>
“Sam, thank you very much for the concern, but she's my sister. I'll take care of her. Go take a seat and chill.” Steve’s teeth are gritted and he’s doing a fantastic job of holding himself back. “And Sam… if it really was polyamory, you'd be out a girlfriend. Nat loves Y/N more than you. You'd be single.” </p>
<p>Bucky watches as Sam looks at Steve and decides to save this fight for another day. He scoffs and turns to leave, but not before getting a parting shot at Bucky. “See ‘ya later...James.” Sam walks away and back to his seat at the back of class. </p>
<p>“Enhance your calm, John Spartan. Don't let him get to you. He's known us since first grade, so she's like a sister to him.” Steve is doing his best to calm himself from the almost altercation that just took place, and Bucky can only smile for Steve’s interference. “So… how about you come over for movie night tomorrow?” Steve offers trying to get Bucky’s mind off the last few minutes.<br/>
Bucky shrugs, coming back to the here and now. “Depends. Who's all coming over? I’d kinda like my face to stay the way it is and if Sam’s coming, I'm not sure I'll leave the way I came.” Bucky responds dryly but the concern is very real. </p>
<p>“Yeah, he'll be there, but I promise he'll behave. Nat will keep him in check, and I know he won’t cross her. Pepper, Clint, Tony and of course my sister. You should come and have some fun.” </p>
<p>“Fine…,” Bucky sighs and shakes his head, “but if he pisses me off, I'm out!”, Bucky says sternly, not wanting to start anything in the Rogers home. </p>
<p>“I understand. Maybe you can even talk to my sister. It’ll be the perfect opportunity.” </p>
<p>Bucky looks at Steve quizzing his choice of words. “You giving me the brotherly seal of approval?” </p>
<p>Steve chuckles, “Let's just say I'm not opposed to it. Just take it slow.” Steve says right before the teacher calls the classes attention, leaving Bucky no time to respond. </p>
<p>“Take it slow” Bucky thinks as the teacher begins to talk. Can't get any slower than how it's been. He’s gotta to find a way to talk to her and maybe movie night would finally give him that chance. As long as Sam doesn't go all Mr. T on him before hand, maybe he can get her to look at him for more than three seconds and they can build on that interaction. </p>
<p>Tomorrow night is the night he tries to get the girl. He's waited this long. One more day won't hurt, right?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Welcome back! This chapter leads up to movie night and enter Sarah Rogers. Hope you all enjoy (sorry I suck at summaries)!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It'd been three days since your deal with Nat, and you were no closer to talking to Bucky than before. You really wanted to get to know the guy your mind had been fixated on, but your past had made you scared so not talking to Bucky was the best thing for you. The last guy you got the courage to talk to ended up being the biggest asshole in the world and the reason for all the turmoil in your life, and you couldn’t have a repeat of that, ever.  </p><p>Brock Rumlow was one of the most popular guys in school. Most of the boys wanted to be him, and the girls wanted to date him. So, imagine your shock when the high school quarterback found you by your locker and started up a conversation. You ended up being the envy of all the girls, because why would Mr. Popularity like you and not them? You should have walked away that day and never looked at Brock again. Hindsight is always 20/20.  </p><p>“Ugh, what the fuck is my life?” You groan to no one in particular, entering the kitchen of your family home. </p><p>“Kiss your mother with that mouth?” A feminine voice calls out from behind you, making you shake your head. </p><p>“Why yes, yes I do.” You turn around and place a soft kiss on your mother's cheek. “Good morning mom.” </p><p>“Actually, it's afternoon. Where you up all night again?” </p><p>She knew you so well. You hadn't been sleeping since the Brock issue, even with the sleeping meds you were on. Sarah Rogers was all knowing and there wasn’t much you could get past her.  </p><p>“No worries mom, it's Saturday. I got nothing pressing to do today so, I fully intend to stay in my pajamas and veg on the couch. Unless you have finally consented to letting me get that job at the strip club. I hear pole dancing is a very lucrative career and could pay for my college education.” You throw a smirk at your mother.</p><p>“Not until you're 18,” Sarah replies without hesitation, “I can't have you shaking your ass and tits for money while you're still underage. And when you do go take Steve with ya. Maybe those muscles can bring in some extra money, cause you goddamn kids cost a fortune!”  </p><p>God bless your mom. You loved her to death and know she didn't mean any of it, but the playful banter always made you smile.  </p><p>“Are we both gonna be strippers now?” Steve walks into the kitchen and joins the fun. “You know I can't dance for shit, mom.” <br/>“Who says you need to dance? Just take off your shirt and those thirsty bitches will throw money at you, wanting to see more.” Sarah jokes, a wicked grin on her face. </p><p>“Christ Mom!! Just stop!!” Steve’s face is red from embarrassment. </p><p>“Alright, I'll stop.” Sarah concedes for the time being. “Steve, are your friends still coming over tonight?” She asks, looking through the cupboards, taking inventory. </p><p>“Say what?” Your eyes move to your twin with a questioning look. </p><p>Steve shrugs seemingly not fazed at all by your confusion. “Uh, movie night. Remember?” </p><p>“No! Ab-so-fucking-lutely not! I oppose this notion!” </p><p>“On what grounds?” Steve’s the one to question, crossing his large arms to his chest. </p><p>You open your mouth, but nothing comes out, words not formulating in your head. “On the grounds that...that...shit! I got nothing.” There really wasn’t a reason other than just wanting a lazy day and your brother was currently fucking it all up. </p><p>“Good, cause Bucky's coming.” Steve gives you a wicked smirk, looking very much like the one Sarah had given him earlier. </p><p>“Steve…,” your mothers voice breaks through the thoughts in your head, “…leave your sister alone and make a list of what you need for tonight since I'm headed to the store.” Sarah says before she heads to the living room, leaving you alone with your asshole brother. </p><p>“You know, it wouldn't hurt to socialize. They're your friends too.”  </p><p>Steve’s right. They were indeed your friends and you needed them like you need air to breathe. All of them had been there for you in some form or another since the incident and you will forever be in their debt.</p><p>Bucky, however, was a different story. You wanted him and not in just a friendly manner, which scares the shit out of you to admit given your past. You were just unsure of yourself and how to make him want you back, if a guy like him could ever really want someone that’s damaged goods. </p><p>This was all too much for you to process currently. You needed to lay down and take a nap, closing your eyes and letting the darkness take you over. Looking at Steve you stick up your middle finger, giving him a silent “fuck you” and retreat to your room for a few more hours of sleep. Maybe sleep will clear your weary mind. </p><p> </p><p>You woke several hours later to a knock on your door, the clock telling you it was a little after five pm and you have slept the whole day away. </p><p>“Y/N get up!” Nat’s demanding voice enters your room. </p><p>“Jesus Nat, please let me sleep!” Your own voice gruff and sleep filled. </p><p>“Get your ass up, and shower! Bucky's already here and you and I made a bet.” </p><p>You groan loudly and cover your face. Like you needed the reminder of the stupid bet you’d reluctantly agreed to. The bet you really didn’t want to follow through with because anytime you look at Bucky you get weak and tongue tied. This was a no-win situation for you.</p><p> “Ya know, I'm starting to rethink our friendship. I feel like I've entered a lose-lose wager.” </p><p>Nat smirks. “I don’t think so. You’re the one that either gets to drive my car or gets Prince Charming. I see it was a win-win for you, but you won’t know if you don't try. So, get your tits up and go shower!” </p><p>Rolling your eyes, you reluctantly get out of bed and grab your stuff. “Happy?!” </p><p>“Immensely,” Nat replies, looking very stone faced. “See ya soon.” She turns and exits the room.</p><p>You sigh. A shower would do some good. At least Bucky wouldn't be offended by your smell, you think as you make your way to the bathroom and shut the door behind you. </p><p>The shower is nice and relaxing, the hot water acting as a calming mechanism, keeping the anxiety at bay. You take your time, not focusing on the fact people are in your home waiting for you to start the festivities. This was something you needed and everyone else would just have to wait.</p><p>Once finished, you shut off the water and grab a towel for your body and another for your hair and exit the shower, pausing for a moment to look in the steam filled mirror, but quickly decide to head to your bedroom to get dressed. Nothing good can come from looking in the mirror so, best to leave sleeping dogs lie.</p><p>As you open the door, you run smack dab into a hard wall of muscle. The force of the blow so much, you lose your footing and almost drop the towel as you begin to fall to the floor. Just before your butt hits, you feel arms wrap around you and pull you back up to your feet. The only problem, if the body moves, the towel falls. </p><p>“Oh, shit! I'm so sorry!” </p><p>Fuck your life! Bucky Barnes. The guy you were crushing on had his arms wrapped around you in an intimate embrace. You had run into his chest and almost fell and on instinct he’d caught you. Was fate already showing her hand and doing her best to being you together? More importantly, how the hell were you going to get out of this situation? Talk about awkward things to tell your future children.</p><p> “James...,” you say as calmly as possible, so he doesn’t make any sudden movements, “…I need you to slowly, slowly, back away but keep your eyes up here.” Your eyes lock onto his, searching for understanding. </p><p>Bucky complies with your request, and you're able to successfully grab the towel without any additional exposure, and wrap it securely around your body, Bucky’s eyes never wander, and he continues to stare at you even though you have successful covered yourself back up. </p><p>The brunette smiles at you and places his hand on your hip, the moment growing more intimate by the second. “Hi,” he says, his voice dropping at least two octaves and his breathing starts to increase. </p><p>“Bucky…,” you whisper as he starts to inch closer to you, closing the already short gap between the two of you. He starts to lean in, and you're sure he's about to kiss you, feeling his breath ghost on your lips.  </p><p>“What the fuck?!” Steve yells, making you jump two feet away from Bucky. </p><p>“Jesus fucking Christ, Steve!!” You yell right back, the moment now forgotten.</p><p>Bucky stands, looking between Steve and you laughing. “I'm gonna go. Back out there. See in a few?” The reason for him coming to the bathroom no longer an issue, quickly walking away from you and your asshole brother. </p><p>“I said talk to him, not stand there in a towel and offer your body to him!” Steve gives his best Dad scolding. </p><p>“Well, sorry my powers of seduction don't include a whipped cream bikini and cherries!” you replied smugly, knowing way too much about the things your brother had pulled in the past. </p><p>“You’re never gonna let that go, are ya? Go get dressed! The movie starts in five minutes.” Steve shakes his head and turns back in the direction he’d come from.  </p><p>Rolling your eyes, you make your way to your bedroom and shut the door behind you replaying the events that just took place moments ago before interruption. Bucky almost kissed you. You! Awkward, shy, plain you. Maybe Nat was right, and he does like you after all. What’s the worst that can happen if you took a chance on the butterflies creeping inside you? Maybe it’s time to let the past go and see what the future with Bucky Barnes can bring.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Panic attacks, blackouts, and finding someone unconscious. If any of that triggers you, don't read.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seven minutes. That's all it took. Bucky had almost kissed you before getting caught by Steve and you couldn't be happier about that unsuspecting mishap. Being on cloud nine felt almost euphoric and unbelievable, and you thought nothing could bring you down from your high. You should have known better. </p>
<p>You’d just finished getting dressed to join the others when your brain went into overdrive and began overthinking what’d happened in the hallway. Does he even like me? Does he feel sorry for me? Oh, my god, he thinks I'm a freak! The thoughts kept playing on repeat in your mind. You could feel the walls cave in, and you slumped in a corner of your room. The thoughts wouldn't stop, and you couldn't focus long enough to quiet your brain. Your breaths became short and you could feel the room spinning around you. Everything was out of control; your heart was racing, and you could feel the sweat starting to form on your forehead. The last thing you remember is feeling like this was the end, and then suddenly, everything was dark. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The chosen Saturday night movie was “Pretty in Pink”. It was Nat's turn to choose and she thought this would be perfect, given her best friend’s pinning over the hot guy. Maybe the two idiots would take a cue from the movie and get their shit together already. Nat was ready to see her bff happy and she was sure James was the key to that happiness. </p>
<p>Nat looked around the Rogers living room and made note of her group of friends. Tony was sitting cuddled up with Pepper on the small sofa, his girlfriend rolling her eyes at the popcorn mess gathering near her. Maybe if he stopped talking it would go in his mouth and not on her. Fat chance of that happening though. Silence was never on Tony’s list of things to do.</p>
<p>Clint, Steve, and Bucky were sitting on the large comfy sofa. Too much testosterone in one area, she deducts, shaking her head while she stares. Bucky was sitting between Clint and Steve and Nat was pretty sure Clint was interested in a Bucky, Steve sandwich. Nat knows Clint’s always had a crush on Steve. Maybe one day he’ll do something about it instead of pine over the muscly blond.</p>
<p>Arms wrapped around her and she melted into the touch, Sam kissing her softly on the head. They were sharing one of the reclining chairs, wrapped up in a blanket, bodies pressed close together. She was comfortable resting her head on her boyfriend’s bulky chest, realizing just how lucky she was to have Sam in her life. He wasn't everyone's shot of tequila, but his personality grew on her, so she decided to keep him around. Nat was more of a vodka girl anyway. </p>
<p>Looking to the other reclining chair, Nat noticed it was vacant and had been for some time, and Nat, who was usually calm started to worry. </p>
<p>“Steve.” Nat’s eyes are laser focused on the boy. </p>
<p>“Yes Natasha?” Steve laughs slightly, not noting the seriousness in her tone. </p>
<p>Nat makes eye contact and moves her head in the direction of the empty recliner. She can see him waiting for her to say something, but she glares at him, waiting for him to get with the program. </p>
<p>“What the hell Nat? I'm not a mind read-“ And then she sees the second it dawns on him, what she was trying to convey to him without words. “Shit!” Steve sprints off the couch and runs in the direction of his sisters’ room. </p>
<p>Nat quickly unwraps herself from the blanket burrito of Sam and follows, stopping at another familiar door on the way. </p>
<p>“Mrs. Rogers!” Nat’s quickly knocking on the door, the usually calm girl in a panic having an idea what’s keeping you from joining everyone. Nat doesn't have to wait long for her to answer, and when the door opens, she makes eye contact that marks the seriousness of what’s going on.  </p>
<p>They sprint to the room and find Steve holding his twin in his arms, trying to wake her up. </p>
<p>“Mom…,” his eyes plead for help. “…I couldn’t find a pulse.”</p>
<p>Nat watches Sarah gets on her knees and presses her fingers to the exposed neck, finding a pulse and exhales a breath she didn’t know she was holding. </p>
<p>“Steve, go get me a bowl of warm water, a washcloth, bottle of water, and ibuprofen. Nat, go keep everyone else in the living room please.” Sarah calmly directs them from the floor.</p>
<p>Steve releases his hold on his sister, transferring care to his mother and gets up and leaves the room, following her orders.  </p>
<p>Nat doesn’t move and feels herself rooted to the ground, her eyes fixed on the body in Sarah’s arms. Yes, you are best friends, but the bond the two of you share goes so much deeper than that. You were the first person she truly opened up to and knew her better than anyone. If Nat was being honest with herself, she’d admit that she was actually in love with you, but she knew you were straighter than an arrow, so she'd never disclose that tid bit of information and was happy to keep that secret buried in her heart. Seeing you on the floor right now damn near broke her, and the last thing she wanted to do was leave this room. </p>
<p>“Natasha. Natasha….,” Sarah's voice broke her from her daze. “Natasha, she's going to be okay. Honey, please go to the living room and keep everyone calm. I'll come get you when she's awake. Can you do that for me?” </p>
<p>All Nat can do is nod. She's never been one to show her emotions, but Sarah must sense just how upsetting the scene in front of her is. Nat has never seen you in this state before and she feels broken inside.  </p>
<p>After what seems like minutes, but probably only seconds, Nat feels herself move towards Sarah. She kneels at her side and kisses her best friend on the sweaty forehead. </p>
<p>“I love you, принцесса.” Nat says softly, Sarah smiling back at her. </p>
<p>Nat gets up and turns to leave the room just as Steve returns with the requested items. She stops at the door and looks back, taking one last look at the Rogers trio. Nat has never felt helpless before and standing in the doorway, seeing how quickly Steve and Sarah work, it hits her all at once. The stone-faced redhead sheds a single tear as she closes the door and walks back to the front room. She hopes she’ll never have to see her best friend so lifeless and down ever again.</p>
<p>*принцесса-printessa</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter is told from Nat's point of view and is a continuation of the last chapter. Tension is high and people get angry. Why can't they all just get along?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nat walks back into the living room, arms crossed and holding herself. She wasn't sure what she was going to say to the people they had left behind in a quick fury. How do you tell them what’s going on without shedding her own emotional turmoil? The person she truly loved was so damaged because of Brock, and there wasn’t anything she could do to fix it.  </p>
<p>As she gets closer, she can hear voices but can't make out what’s being said, and the chatter immediately stops as she enters the room. </p>
<p>“Baby, are you ok?” Sam notices her frazzled look and moves to wrap her in a hug.  </p>
<p>“Yeah… ummm… Sarah asked me to come out here. Make sure everyone's good.” </p>
<p>“What’s going on, is everything okay? Is there anything we can do?” Tony rambles out quickly. </p>
<p>Nat hears the concern in his voice and knows she must pull herself together to explain as best she could. Their circle of friends needs to know what’s going on with her best friend. </p>
<p>“I don't know? I got Sarah. We found her on the floor. I left Sarah and Steve to take care of her, but Sarah said she'll be ok.” Nat knew she was being short, but that's the best she could do right now, still shaken up from the whole ordeal. </p>
<p>“This is going to set her back again. I thought she was getting better?” Pepper speaks up from across the room. </p>
<p>“She was, is…,” Nat begins “…she's taking her meds, talking more… she still avoids most people and ignores the talk, but she’s seriously broken inside. That piece of shit really <em>fucked</em> her up!” Her voice is raised and she’s almost yelling. </p>
<p>“Calm down killer…,” Clint joins in from the couch, “…that fucktart will get what's coming to him.” </p>
<p><em>“When?!”</em> Nat yells out, finally letting out her pent-up emotions. “It's been a year and that piece of shit is still walking around like he's a fucking <em>GOD,</em> while she's suffering inside! When the fuck does the karma bus hit him and break his fucking neck??!!” Her face is almost as red as her fiery hair.</p>
<p>“Uh, I think I should go?” Bucky says quietly from his place on the couch. </p>
<p>“Of course, you should go, because why would you stay?!” Sam’s all attitude towards Bucky. </p>
<p>“Sam, leave him alone. He doesn't know what happened and this is a lot to throw on him.” Clint comes to Bucky's aid, trying to get the other boy to back off. </p>
<p>“That's right he doesn't, and with any luck he'll never find out! He shouldn't be here!” Sam’s nostrils flare as he finishes his rant. </p>
<p>“Then none of us should be here!” Tony says loudly. “There was a point in time none of us knew, but now we do, and we can all help. He has every right to stay, you don't run the Rogers house, Sam!” </p>
<p>“You're right Sam…,” Bucky concedes, “…I shouldn't be here right now. You guys are all her friends and I’m just the newcomer…. I don't know her as well as you do, I wish I did but I don’t know if that’ll ever happen. So, I <em>do</em> agree with you. I should go.” Bucky stands from the couch, ready to leave the tension of the Rogers home. </p>
<p><em>“Are you fucking kidding me?!”</em>  Sam says as he walks away from beside Nat and gets right in Bucky's face. </p>
<p><em>“What the hell Sam?!</em> First you want me to go now you're in my face? What do you want me to do?!” </p>
<p>Nat watches the tense interaction between her boyfriend and Bucky. Clint and Tony have both moved closer and inserted themselves between the two before things get physical. </p>
<p>“Run away! I have a feeling that's what you're good at. She has a bad day, and you run! The first sign of trouble and it's too much for you to deal with. You don't deserve her! You're no better than Brock! I saw you sucking face with Brittany Franco yesterday. She's more your type anyway… easy to fuck, and dumb as shit!” </p>
<p>“You kissed Brittany?” </p>
<p>A voice comes from behind all the activity and Nat’s head turns to see Steve standing there. No one noticed he’d made his way back to the living room. </p>
<p>“Was this before or after I asked you to come over?” Steve questions Bucky and Nat can tell Steve is holding back his anger</p>
<p>“Before...,” he replies quietly, “…she asked me if I wanted to go out on Sunday. I said I'd think about it and then she kissed me.” </p>
<p>“That was no innocent kiss!” Sam lays into him again. “That kiss was a ‘I'm gonna fuck you stupid kiss’, which I guess is what you'll get with her!” </p>
<p>“Wait, I thought Brittany was dating Jack, Brock's best friend?” Clint asks confused. </p>
<p>“No, they broke up last week.” Pepper interjects. All eyes look her way, questioning her words. “What? I hear the gossip! Tony doesn't keep me <em>that</em> sheltered!” </p>
<p>“Well it seems she's set her sights on Barnes here, and since she's as easy as Sunday morning, he's going for the easy score.” Sam looks directly into Bucky's eyes like he's burning his soul. </p>
<p>“I asked you over, gave you the go ahead with Y/N, saw you almost kiss her in the hallway, and you're planning a date with <em>Brittany?!”</em> Steve's voice has gone from calm to irate. </p>
<p>“I didn't say yes-” </p>
<p>“But you didn't say no!” Steve interrupts, getting angrier by the second. “You kissed another girl and when I asked you over and said you should talk to my sister, you didn't <em>think</em> to say you had locked lips with someone else? I said take it slow, but now I see slow is not your forte. Y/N’s speed is for her protection and obviously that isn't good enough for you. Sam’s right you don't deserve her… you really need to go.” Steve finishes and walks over to open the front door. </p>
<p>Nat watches as Bucky looks around and nods his head in agreement. She can tell he’s struggling, wanting to speak up, but doesn’t dare, trying to make his exit as calmly as possible</p>
<p>Bucky walks to the door and stops in front of Steve. “I'm sorry.”</p>
<p>Steve just shakes his head, and Bucky walks out the door. </p>
<p>Nat stares at the door, hoping Bucky would come to his sense and knock, begging for another chance, but it doesn’t happen. Yes, she was upset, but she’s willing to look past what Bucky did and give him a second chance. She knows he’s nothing like Brock and still thinks he’d be good for her best friend.</p>
<p>Out of nowhere, her legs move and she’s quickly out the door, trying to catch the boy before he leaves and does something stupid.</p>
<p>“James!” She yells after him, “James!” </p>
<p>Nat sees him stop but doesn’t turn around to face her. </p>
<p>“What, Nat? Shouldn't you be back inside?” </p>
<p>“You wanna explain what the hell that was all about?” </p>
<p>Bucky turns around and shakes his head. “Welcome to the life of James Buchanan Barnes. Grade A fuck up, and world class asshole!”  </p>
<p>“You give yourself too much credit. She likes you, you can't just walk away,” she says as calmly as she can.</p>
<p>“Nat, I have too! I may have just fucked up my shot, and I'm pretty sure Steve hates me. I know Sam does! But why don't you?” </p>
<p>Nat shrugs and smiles back at him, the first smile since seeing her bff on the floor. “You're not him, that's why. You made a mistake, so fix it. Steve doesn't hate you. Sarah Rogers didn't teach her kids to hate. Give him a few days and he'll come to you, but don't give up. Promise me.” </p>
<p>There’s a long pause and Bucky just stares at her. “Yeah, okay.” </p>
<p>“I'll take it,” Nat smirks and turns, walking back towards the house. Just before she gets to the doors she turns around looks back. “And James?” </p>
<p>“Yeah?” His voice a little shaky.</p>
<p>“You fuck this up, or hurt her, I will castrate you and feed you your balls as a last meal before I snap your neck and put you in a meat grinder. Understood?” </p>
<p>Nat sees his mouth go agape and his hands gravitate to his crotch, covering up his balls, her words having their desired effect. “Goodnight James.” She grins, opening the door and heading back inside, more level headed than she had been all evening.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We’re now moving on from the panic attack and it’s aftermath. Will things start to heat up with the reader and Bucky? Only time will tell. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reading!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Monday morning came way too soon, and you weren’t ready to show your face at school. You’d spent most of Sunday in bed recovering from your blackout Saturday night knowing just how much they drained you and needed rest. It wasn’t the first time it’d happened. The blackouts started right after the anxiety kicked in. Therapy and meds have been helping and you hadn't had a blackout in a while, so you hoped they wouldn't become a regular occurrence in your life. </p><p>Walking into kitchen for breakfast, you were greeted with smiles by your mom and twin. </p><p>“Good morning baby, how ya feeling today?” Sarah handed you your morning meds. </p><p>Shrugging, you took he offered meds and gave her your very best pretend smile. “Still have a headache, but I'll survive.” </p><p>“If you have any issues, call me. I have to work late at the hospital tonight, but you are my priority, okay?” </p><p>“I will. Thank you, mom. I-I… love you,” you try to hold back the tears. </p><p>Sarah moves to stand in front of you and gently grabs your face. “I love you more than you'll ever know. We're in this together, and I'll move heaven and earth if you need me too.” She pulls you in for a hug and you can feel the tears start to fall. “Gotta go, love you both!” </p><p>“Bye mom!” Steve and you both holler in unison and hear the door shut signaling Sarah had taken her leave. </p><p>“So, we should probably talk,” Steve starts in not wasting any time, “I think there’s some things we need to get out before we go.” </p><p>Sighing heavily, you nod in agreement as you wiped the tears from your eyes. You didn't want to talk about what happened, but knew you were going to have to face your friends and their looks of pity when you saw them today. </p><p>“How upset was everyone that I ruined movie night?” </p><p>Steve looks at you, his brows furrowed, eyes questioning your logic. “No one’s upset with you, Y/N, it wasn't your fault!” He yells, his emotions already getting the better of him. </p><p><em>“Wasn't it?!”</em> You yell back, matching your twin’s fury. “I can't control my shit! My brain is so fucked up and I can't control the anxiety. Someone finally shows me a slight bit of attention and I freak the fuck out and blackout, all because I made a stupid choice a year ago! Please Steve, tell me again how none of this is my fault!” The tears have begun again and are streaking down your cheeks.</p><p>“Fine…,” Steve calms himself when he sees just how worked up and upset you’ve become, “…I won't tell you because I've done so many times before. You gotta get over your fear and believe what I say. Yes, you chose to date Brock, but what he did was not your fault. There was no consent-” </p><p><em>“Stop!”</em> You interrupt, your face morphing into anger. “Don’t say another word! I have spent every day for the past year trying to forget that night and everything that followed. I don’t need any reminders, especially not from you!” </p><p>Steve moves in closer and hold out his arms. “I'm sorry. Come here, please?” He says softly, looking like a small boy and not the sculpted masterpiece he’s become. You hesitantly comply and move into his arms, melting into his warm embrace. “I love you and I’m sorry for what I said. I just wish you’d believe me and trust that I want you to get back to the person you were before.”</p><p>“But I'm not that person anymore, Steve. I'll never be… but I'll always be your sister and I love you too,” you look up at him with a broken smile. “So, no one’s mad?” You bring the conversation back to where it began.</p><p>“No, they weren't mad. Concerned, yes, but never mad. They all worry about you…,” Steve pauses, “…think this could set you back?” </p><p>You shake your head and shrug, “I don't know? I may keep my distance, at least until I see my therapist. Appointments tomorrow, can you take me?” </p><p>“Like you even have to ask,” Steve moves away, heading to the fridge and grabbing your lunches. </p><p>“Thanks,” you smile, taking the offered bag and start to walk away. </p><p>“Wait!” </p><p>You stop and turn around to look at Steve, your brother appearing conflicted about something. </p><p>“I have a request,” his voice deepens, and you recognize it as his warning tone.</p><p>“I'm listening.” </p><p>“It's about Bucky. Do you think you could maybe stay away from him?” <br/>You head back towards your brother, arms crossed to your chest. “What happened?” Noting the change in your twin.</p><p>“I just think it's better if you forgot about him. I…I think I made a mistake.” </p><p>“You won't tell me, huh?” Steve shakes his head making you roll your eyes at his guarded secret. “Ok. I'll honor your request, for now,” you concede. “Damn it,Steve! You're ruining my plans to elope with him and have lots of babies!” You joke with a smile. </p><p>“There's my sunshine,” Steve smiles back at you. </p><p>“Let's go. Gotta get our education or we'll end up selling our bodies just to keep mom out of the nursing home.” </p><p>Steve laughs and grabs his things, the two of you heading out of the house and to the car, destination high school. </p><p>Things start out like any other day. You’d made your way to your locker before first period to grab the necessary items for morning classes. </p><p>“Hey, Y/N… how's it going?” A voice pulls you from your task, making you turn and lay your eyes on him. Bucky. Damn, he looks good today in tight black jeans and a blue Henley that showed off his toned chest. <em>Man boobs?! Fucking Christ…forgive me father, for I have sinned, it's been 6 months since my last confession,</em> you recited in your head like a prayer.  </p><p>“I'm-uh… um-uh... about-uh, about Saturday…,” God spit it out already! You internally screamed. Inhaling a deep breath and letting it out, you decide to go for broke and just let out what’s on your mind. “Why did you almost kiss me?” There. It was out and you had asked him, that wasn't so bad. </p><p>Bucky smiles and Jesus, his face warms your heart, making you crumble inside. “Well… I like you and I kinda thought you might like me too?” </p><p>You begin to blush and bite your bottom lip. You did like him, but he is so far out of your league. He could have anyone else, but he confessed to liking you. God, why couldn’t life be simple and let you have this one thing? </p><p>“My brother asked me to stay away from you,” you blurted out, hoping Bucky would fill you in on the missing pieces. </p><p>“Maybe he doesn't think I'm good enough?” </p><p>It's possible. Steve has become overly protective and only wants the best for you, but you sense there's something he's not telling you. </p><p>“I don't always listen to my brother,” you smirk. “I do like you, but….” </p><p>“James!” </p><p>The voice belts out making you cringe. The one female you can't stand and loathe with every fiber of your being. Brittany. Brock’s loyal bitch. She was his side piece and spent her time between Jack and Brock. You’d heard she’d just broke up with Jack, and you were pretty sure that was on Brock's order. He liked to play mind games and gave no fucks about anyone’s feelings.  </p><p>Brittany approaches your locker, her eyes locked on Bucky. “You never called me about our date. I waited all day and you never showed. I hope you’re planning on making it up to me?” She sticks out her bottom lip in a fake pout. </p><p>“Date?” You look at Bucky stunned. “You were planning a date?”  </p><p>“We were supposed to go out on Sunday,” she doesn’t give Bucky a chance to explain, “I was looking forward to getting his lips on me again. He's such a good kisser!” Brittany grins like the devil.  </p><p>What the fuck, you think, glaring at Bucky with murder eyes. Of course, he didn't really like you. He kissed her and was playing some elaborate game that smelled of Brock. </p><p>Out of nowhere, you felt your right hand connect with Bucky's face, making it sting. <em>“Fuck you!”</em> you yelled, most likely drawing attention from the people in the hallway. “I'm not someone to play games with, you lying sack of shit! I've had enough assholes to last me an entire lifetime! Leave me alone and go <em>shit</em> yourself!” You slammed your locker and stormed off, not daring to look back and see what was going on behind you.  </p><p>What did you do to deserve this? He just told you he liked you, but yet, was planning a date with that she devil. Why? You should have listened to Steve, but instead you gave in and could now feel your heart breaking, tears starting to form. You needed to leave. Fuck school and fuck this life! You were going back home and never leaving your room again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello, friends! I told you this would be a slow burn but I promise, it’s getting there. In the meantime, enjoy some Bucky and Nat and lets see just how things turn out for our lovely idiot. Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky sat alone at lunch on Wednesday, just like he had for the past two days. He was a man without a country, and this was the loneliest he had felt since moving here from Indiana. At least back home his friends didn’t care if he screwed up because they were tagging right along helping aid him down his self-destructive path. That’s also part of the reason he was here in Brooklyn living with his father and not with his mom and sister in Indiana. God, he could really use his family right about now.</p>
<p>He looked around the lunch room and saw the group of people he had called his friends, gathered around a table, laughing and joking. They were all so close and tight knit. Bucky thought they were his friends too, but it didn’t look like they were willing to forgive his mistake. How was he supposed to know to stay away from Brittany? No one told him anything. A little warning would’ve gone a long way with him.</p>
<p>Then again, it was his own fault. When she approached him, he should’ve said no and been done with it. So what if he rejected her. It’s not like he really wanted her anyways, he was just trying to be nice. And what was with the kiss? It shocked the hell out of him and instead of stopping it, he went all in. Why? Guess he just didn’t have enough faith that Y/N was interested in him. None of that shit should’ve happened and he should’ve been honest with Steve and told him what went down before it came out. It wasn’t that he lied, it was just an omission. That’s not exactly lying, right?</p>
<p>As Bucky took a bite of his sandwich, his eyes met with Nat as the redhead sat down in the chair across from him, her green eyes baring into his soul. He immediately crossed his legs tightly remembering the threat she made several days before and wondered if she was here to collect on her promise. Bucky would like to keep his balls attached for the foreseeable future. They were pertinent to starting a family someday.</p>
<p>“I’m not here for them yet,” Nat says calmly, “but I will be if you don’t get your shit together. I told you to fix it, not fuck it up.”</p>
<p>Bucky sets down his sandwich and sighs, “I was trying to! I told her I liked her, and I had planned on confessing to her about Brittany, but before I could guess who magically appears and blows the shit out of the water? The devil incarnate! I fucked up, trust me, my face knows just how much she hates me.”</p>
<p>Nat chuckles with a smile, something he barley sees from the woman. “Yeah, we all heard about the slap. Thanks for that.”</p>
<p>Bucky bows his head in defeat, not wanting to make eye contact with her. “Nat, what do I do?” He asks softly.</p>
<p>There’s a long moment of awkward silence and he then feels her hand touch his chin and raise his face, so his eyes meet hers. “Answer me this, is this just a crush? Or do you think it’s more?”  </p>
<p>Bucky shakes his head, “This isn’t just a crush, Nat. She’s beautiful and smart, and when she smiles it makes me light up and I want that smile to never leave her face. I wanna be the reason for her smile, but I know I never will be. She hates me.”</p>
<p>It appears Nat has accepted his answer and leans back in her chair, crossing her arms to her chest. “Then why haven’t you talked to her before?”</p>
<p>Bucky shrugs. That’s something he’s been asking himself the past few days as well. “Because…because I didn’t think she was interested. She’s never sought me out when we were all together and she always stays away from me.”</p>
<p>Nat slowly nods and Bucky begins to feel like this is an interrogation, the woman trying to analyze him for truth and worthiness. “Did you ever think it was for her own protection?” Her head cocks slightly to the side.</p>
<p>“I get that now, but I didn’t know. I wish someone would’ve told me something… anything,” he says, pushing his food aside, the conversation making him lose his appetite.</p>
<p>“You like her,” Nat assess, “and you want to redeem yourself, correct?”</p>
<p>Bucky quickly nods his head in agreement, looking like one of those bobble heads you get at the ballpark, “Yes, I really do. Please…help me.” He’s never been one to beg, but he’s gotta make things right.</p>
<p>Nat leans in again, staring at him hard and fierce. “You do understand the risk I’m taking to help you, right? I have more to lose if this goes ass up. I swear to God Barnes, if you fuck this up your balls won’t be the only thing you lose, got it?”</p>
<p>Bucky nods in understanding, realizing just how much she’ll lose if things go sideways. “Yes ma'am. I owe you…and thank you.”</p>
<p>The redhead chuckles and relaxes her body. “Yeah you do, and don’t thank me yet. Save that your wedding day and your vows,” Nat replies with a smirk.</p>
<p>“A little presumptuous, are we?” Bucky laughs.</p>
<p>“Let’s just say I have a good feeling about you two. I’m usually not wrong.” He sees Nat look to the clock on the wall, lunch is just about over. “I have to go. Meet me after school by the bus garage. Wait for me.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Bucky asks, curious as to why she’d want to meet him today.</p>
<p>“Sam and Steve are working on a project and I’ve been given the go ahead to see Y/N since she’s been MIA since your fallout. You’re coming with me. See ya later.” She gives him a final grin and ducks through the kids, finding Sam and Steve, the three of them leave the lunch room and head to their next class.</p>
<p>Bucky stands and gathers his trash, throwing it away and heads to class. Nat wants to take him to fix things. There’s not enough sorry’s he can say to make up for what he did, but he’s gotta try. Nat’s putting a lot on the line for him, and it’s frankly more than he deserves. Maybe if she just hears him out, she’ll take a chance on him. All he can do is hope. It’s all he has left at this point.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things are beginning to heat up, literally. I said this was a slow burn but I promise you, it won’t be too much longer before these two make things unofficially official. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you’re enjoying this fic so far.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky stood by the bus garage impatiently waiting for Nat. He'd been there for almost a half an hour and was about to give up, when a black car full of muscle and shinning in the sun, pulled up next to where he was standing. </p>
<p>“Get in!” Nat yells out to him. </p>
<p>He looked around to make sure no one was watching them and quickly got into the passenger seat. “Looking for someone?” She asks, eyebrow raised. </p>
<p>“Yeah, the angry mob ready to kick my ass.” </p>
<p>“Don't worry, they're gone. I made sure of it...why'd ya think I was late? Relax.” Nat smirks and begins to drive in the direction of the Rogers house. </p>
<p>The drive only takes about ten minutes, but it feels like forever to Bucky. As he sits, he can feel himself getting nervous and his hands are starting to sweat. He’s pretty sure he’s getting fidgety in the seat, and his legs begin to bounce in a quick rhythm. </p>
<p>“Have you thought about what you're going to say?” Nat asks at just the right time, most likely stopping him from a panic attack. </p>
<p>Bucky shakes his head, “other than an apology, no. Who knows if she'll even see me?” His tone already sounds defeated and starts to think this was a bad idea.  </p>
<p>“An apology is a good start…,” the redhead agrees, “but how about the truth. You need to open up to her. It might make it easier to forgive your mistake.” </p>
<p>Bucky slowly nods his head in understanding. The truth would be a good place to start. He needs to let her know how horrible he feels for something so incredibly stupid. This entire shit show was his fault and he should've handled it differently, but he really wasn't thinking. Truth be told, critical thinking has never been something he's good at. </p>
<p>Before he knows it, Nat pulls into the driveway and places the car in park. “We're here. Casa de Rogers.” </p>
<p>“I thought you were Russian?” Bucky jokes with a grin. </p>
<p>“I thought you were smarter,” she quickly responds with her trademark smirk. </p>
<p>“Touché,” he quickly concedes and opens the door, getting out of the vehicle. Best not to argue with the girl that’s helping you to make amends to the one you want.  </p>
<p>“So, you think this will work?” He asks as they approach the front door. </p>
<p>Nat stops and looks at Bucky, green eyes piercing into his soul. “Nope. I think she's gonna bolt the moment she sees you. She may even slam the door in your face, so be prepared. But if you really want this, you'll work for it. You may even get a happily ever after.” </p>
<p>“Great pep talk. Never coach little league,” Bucky shakes his head.</p>
<p>“Good thing I despise kids,” she replies nonchalantly and pulls out a key, using it to unlock the door. “Game time,” she turns the handle and opens the door wide, stepping into the home, Bucky following behind her.</p>
<p>The house is quiet and there doesn't seem to be any sign of life. They pair walk around the house but are met with silence. The door he knows to be her bedroom is wide open which he thinks is odd. That’s just not something you’d do. Even Bucky knows you value your privacy.</p>
<p>“She must’ve left, but this doesn't seem right. She never leaves her door open.” </p>
<p>Bucky shrugs, but has the same exact thoughts circulating in his brain. “Maybe she just stepped out? I'm sure she'll be back. We should go… we don’t want to startle her when she comes home,” he slowly starts to back away down the hallway. He’s beginning to feel uncomfortable and the last thing he wants is to get caught to get caught by Steve. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You were in the bathroom. Steve had called and mentioned Nat possibly stopping by to check on you. That was as good enough a reason as any to get up and get showered. Nat would one hundred percent give you shit if you weren’t at least a little bit put together.</p>
<p>You'd barely left your room since you ran home before school even started on Monday. The discovery of James and Brittany did a number on you, as well as the mind fuckery he was playing at. You hadn't had the motivation for anything and were grateful your mom let you stay home for a few days to recover. She had no idea what happened, but knew you'd eventually get yourself up enough to get back at it. This was the first step in that process.</p>
<p>Had you not been so lost in thought you might’ve heard the voices in your house milling about. You certainly didn't expect to open the door in your towel and come face to face with the last person you wanted to see again. Your eyes lock on Bucky, making yourself tense up, a panic ran through your body, a shrill of a scream escaping your mouth. The next thing you knew Bucky Barnes was holding his left eye and you right fist was balled up tight, throbbing in pain. </p>
<p>“Jesus Y/N! What the fuck?!” He yells out and braces himself against the wall. </p>
<p>“What the hell are you doing in my house <em>James!!</em>” You were yelling, demanding an explanation, Nat coming into view to see what was transpiring in the hallway. </p>
<p>“I came to see you! Fuck...my eye!” He exclaims, holding his eye closed. </p>
<p>“I brought him…,” Nat starts in, moving over to Bucky, softly holding his face and checking on his eye, “I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for you two to talk and get everything out.” </p>
<p>Glaring at your best friend you pull the towel a little tighter not wanting a repeat of the last time the two of you were in the exact same space together. “What happened, is this jackass fucked with my head!! I have no fucks left to give about him or you if you continue down this path,” you warned, your face hot with anger.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart, please give him a chance. Have I ever done wrong by you?” Nat looks into your eyes and gives you an intense stare.  </p>
<p>You pause for a few moments and look to James standing up against the wall in your hallway and shake your head, not believing you were going to entertain this idea for your friend. “Get him some ice for his eye,” you tell Nat sternly as you start to walk to your bedroom. “And you, one eyed Willie…,” you stop and look back, “quit oogling me with your good eye. I better not be part of your spank bank later!” You said as you walked into your room and slammed the door behind you. </p>
<p>What the hell is happening? You have zero interest in seeing him, so why did Nat even bring him here?! She's your best friend, she’s gotta know she's jeopardizing a lot by doing this. Just hear him out and send him on his way. You don't owe him anything! The voice in your head says and you feel your heart start to race. “No! Not today! I refuse to have an attack when he's here! I will not show my weakness today,” you say out loud. You can do this...one deep breath at a time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I promise things are happening. I promised a slow burn but hang tight, things are coming and other things are building. You will get what you’ve been waiting for and more.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You dressed comfortably in a gray sweatshirt and some black leggings. Your hair was in a ponytail instead of down in your face because you refused to hide it today. If he was here to talk, he was going to look you straight in the eye. He needed to see your pain.  </p>
<p>Opening the door and walking out to the living room, you see Nat sitting next to James on the couch helping him ice his eye. It looks like you got him pretty good and you chuckled, Steve would be proud to know his lessons paid off. Part of you couldn't help but feel slightly bad though. You weren't a violent person, but you thought you were alone in the house, and James scared the hell out of you. You couldn’t be blamed for your response.</p>
<p>“God Nat, it hurts!” James winces in pain. “Obviously this was a bad idea.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Who'd a thought she'd have a mean hook?” Nat jokes with a grin. </p>
<p>“I am sorry James…you just scared me,” you hear yourself apologize. That was the only apology you planned on making today. </p>
<p>Nat looked between the two of you and decided it was time to make herself scarce so the both of you could talk. “I'm gonna go grab a snack and hang out in your room, give you some privacy?” Nat raises her eyebrows in an ask. </p>
<p>“Sounds good.”  </p>
<p>“Call me if you need me красивая.” You nod and smile as she leaves the room, alone with Bucky at last. </p>
<p>James continues to sit on the couch, but he's not looking at you. He holds his head down like he's thinking. It didn't look like he was going to say anything, and you just wanted it to be over so you could go back and enjoy the silence of your bedroom. </p>
<p>You decide to sit on the couch furthest away from him, the space between seeming like miles. He looks up once you're seated but doesn't make eye contact. The silence feels heavy, and someone needed to start talking and now.  </p>
<p>“I'm sorry,” James breaks the silence, still not looking at you. “I know you hate me….and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please hear me out.” </p>
<p>It doesn't come out like a question, more like a plea. Do you really want to hear why he broke your heart? It's not like you were in love with him, so why is this so hard? Maybe because you were falling for him and he was proving to be an asshole just like Brock.  </p>
<p>But James wasn't Brock. Brock was a manipulative twat waffle with an ego the size of Texas that used and humiliated you. Could James really be like that? You weren't sure what to think, but he was here in front of you and he did say he was sorry, which was more than you’d ever got from Brock. Maybe he was different. </p>
<p>You took in a deep breath and released it letting out a sigh. “Continue.” </p>
<p>He nods in acknowledgement, his eyes meeting yours in a silent thank you. “The day we met, I thought you were cute,” he begins. </p>
<p>“The day we met I had an attack, that's hardly cute,” you interrupted. </p>
<p>“I remember, but that doesn't define you. I knew you were someone I wanted to get to know,” those blue eyes pleading with you to forgive him. </p>
<p>“Then why didn't you? If you wanted to get to know me, why didn't you say anything?” Your voice slightly raised, your heart rate and breathing start to increase. You close your eyes and start to count silently in your head, willing yourself to calm down. It was too early in the conversation to get worked up.  </p>
<p>You felt James grab your hand and bring it to his lips. He placed a gentle kiss to the back of your hand, and you heard him whisper, “breathe baby.” The words brought you back to him and you were surprised at what he said. </p>
<p>“Baby?” </p>
<p>James smiled and you could feel yourself melt. “My baby…my girl,” he replies coolly, like he suddenly had all the confidence in the world. </p>
<p>“You're getting ahead of yourself. Back to the question you’re avoiding…why didn't you tell me?” </p>
<p>James bites his bottom lip before he opens his mouth to reply. “Well…,” he starts, “you're Steve’s sister. I thought I might be overstepping some boundaries, but Steve isn't the kinda guy to be like ‘stay the fuck away from my sister’, unless he doesn't like someone, which he’d clearly say to me now.” </p>
<p>Laughter fills the air. James is absolutely right, Steve is one of the kindest guys on the planet. His big physique makes him seem threatening, but he's just a teddy bear in a God's body. </p>
<p>“Sorry, I'm not laughing at you...go ahead.” There was a small smile on your face and Bucky wanted to see it grow. </p>
<p>“Then I thought you weren't interested in me. We had so many opportunities to talk, but you avoided me. I thought I must've done something wrong but didn't know what. I didn't think I'd have a chance.” </p>
<p>You knew you were partly to blame for that. You knew you were attracted to James, but you couldn't put yourself out there. Once was enough and there was no way you were making that mistake again. </p>
<p>“So, when Brit-” </p>
<p>You glare at James with a scrunched face.</p>
<p>“Sorry. When she came up to me, she asked me out. I had given up hope of something happening between us, I mean, it had been weeks of nothing. Silence. So, I thought maybe I should just let you be. When I didn't respond to her ask, she kissed me. I didn't ask her for it, but I didn't stop it either, I even kissed her back. I regret it all now.” </p>
<p>His confession hit you hard. James admitted to kissing her. Her! The girl you hated. You're not sure if you could handle much more of his truth time.  </p>
<p>“She said Sunday and gave me her number, but I never said yes. Everything happened so fast. Then Steve asked me over for movie night and gave me his blessing to pursue you. I had forgotten all about what had happened by my locker and thought ‘this could be my chance’. I wanted it to be, I really did. I thought you did too when we were in the hallway. I was going to kiss you, but Steve…” </p>
<p>“Could kill a wet dream?” You both laughed. </p>
<p>“Yeah he could.”  </p>
<p>“I swear to you, I didn't mean to hurt you and was planning on coming clean, I just didn't get the chance to before she showed up. When I saw how hurt you were, I knew I fucked up. After you left, the only reason I didn't run after you was because I told her to fuck off! She wasn't the one I wanted, but it was too late. I blew it. I can only hope you'll forgive my mistake, and maybe we can give this a try?” </p>
<p>The look in his eyes was sincere and you knew he was telling you the truth. He was putting himself out there letting you know where he stood. It was now up to you to decide where to go from here. </p>
<p>“You really did hurt me, James. Hearing her talk about the date and the kiss felt like being kicked in the stomach. I really thought you were playing games with me, and I couldn't go through that again.” </p>
<p>“I swear, I wasn't playing games. I could never do that to you. Please… forgive me? I'll do anything, just give me another chance,” he begs, the last words come out as more of a whisper, and you could almost see defeat in his eyes. </p>
<p>There was something in his plea that poked at the wall you had built around your heart. If you were going to forgive him and open up to the idea of something with him it was time for you to disclose the thing you had been keeping from him. It was time to let him in on the secret you and those closet to you knew. What happened once he knew would determine if the two of you had a future or not.</p>
<p>Reaching out, you placed your hand on top of his and looked deep into his blue eyes.</p>
<p>“James… I think there's something you should know...” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*красивая-beautiful</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Before you read, this chapter is important to the rest of the story and plays a major role in later chapters, but beware of the warnings. This chapter is where the warnings come into play. If you want to read this chapter and skip the bad stuff you can read up to **One night, and start back again at **When they. You don’t have to know all the details and more will be explained in chapter 12, but the worst part is here in chapter 11. Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One Year Ago…</p>
<p>School had just let out and you were standing at your locker, minding your own business, waiting on your twin so you could head home together. People were milling around so it didn't surprise you when you felt someone come up next to you. Probably the person next locker over, you thought. What you weren't prepared for was to come face to face with the football team’s quarterback, Brock Rumlow. </p>
<p>Brock was fairly attractive and gave off that bad boy vibe, something you have always found kinda hot. You gave him a confused look, trying to figure what in the world he was doing at your locker. “Can I help you?”  </p>
<p>“I hope so. I'm Brock,” he replies smoothly and offers you his hand. </p>
<p>“Y/N.” You politely take the extended hand.</p>
<p>“So, what's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?” He asks smugly like he's probably asked this several times before. </p>
<p>“Oh god! Really?” You laugh. “That was awful! Does that really work?” </p>
<p>“Usually, yes,” he says with a wicked smirk, “but then again, the girls I use that line on aren't as smart and beautiful as you are.” </p>
<p>This should have been a red flag moment, but you pushed that thought away quickly. “Smooth recovery… but really, what can I do for you?” </p>
<p>“I was hoping that maybe I could interest you in a date?” He asks shyly, all traces of his confidence gone at that moment. </p>
<p>“Me?” You reply bewildered by his question.</p>
<p>“Yes you.” Brock smiles softly. </p>
<p>“But why?” You didn't see yourself as anything special so why would he ask you out? </p>
<p>“Why not? You're pretty, you seem nice, smart, and an all-around good girl. Every girl I've dated wants a piece of me, like I'm just someone they can get something out of. Maybe I want someone that won't push and will see me for me.” </p>
<p>It was in that moment he had you and you agreed to go on a date with him. He had smoothly talked you into a first date and there was no turning back. <br/>Brock started out nice, and the first date was amazing. He took you to a nice restaurant, where you talked and got to know each other for what seemed like hours. After dinner, he took you for a walk around town, the conversation never stopped and you felt like he was listening to you, learning about what makes you, you. You'd never felt like this before and never wanted the date to end. </p>
<p>However, all good things must come to an end when he walked you home, he gave you a soft kiss on the cheek, saying he didn't want to push you and would take things at your speed. You felt giddy at the thought of him being a gentleman and sharing such a perfect date. You said your goodbyes and you saw Brock wait for you to get inside before he walked away.  </p>
<p>It continued like that. The two of you kept going on dates, spending time together and developing into something special. Brock was absolutely perfect, and you were finding yourself falling hard and fast for the quarterback.  </p>
<p>After 3 weeks, he asked you to be his girlfriend. You were so excited, you couldn't help but tell your friends. Nat didn't like it. She was never vocal about it, but you instinctively knew she didn't like him. </p>
<p>Steve just warned you to be careful. He informed you of Brock’s reputation and he didn't want you to end up like every other girl he dated. You told your brother Brock had been nothing but amazing to you, and people could always change. You had no idea how wrong you were going to be.  </p>
<p>Brock had been the boy to take your virginity. You’d always pictured it as a romantic occasion with declarations of love to one another, candles, music, and soft gentle kisses. Unfortunately, that wasn’t how it’d come to be, and the backseat of Brock’s car was your doom, nothing about it being a romantic experience.</p>
<p>The quarterback was rough and hard, and he pretty much manhandled you into submission. When he was finished, he pulls out of you, discards the condom and asks, “are you good?” All you could do was nod, shock stunning you into silence. What the hell just happened? You felt gross and needed to shower to wash the feeling of being used away. This was not the way you had always thought this would happen, your virginity now lost forever.</p>
<p>Three months in and you were a different person. The changes were small, but they were there nonetheless. You were withdrawn and didn't really talk to anyone other than Brock and had even stopped hanging out with your friends. It wasn't that you didn't want to see them. Brock didn't want you hanging out with them, saying they didn't like him and made him feel uncomfortable, so you just stayed away. Brock was your boyfriend and he would never hurt you or steer you in the wrong direction, right?</p>
<p>Five months. That's how long it took to break you. You had suspicions that Brock was cheating on you. There we times when he wasn't answering his phone or he couldn't be found, not even by his parents or his best friend, Jack. When he’d reappear, you could smell her on him. When you said something about it, he said you were just imagining things. Instead of fighting, you’d just let it go. You should have just left him and been done with him, but he would always charm his way back into your heart and end up in the backseat of his car fucking you and making empty promises. </p>
<p>One-night Brock had made an appearance at your house. The two of you hadn’t spoken in a week and were honestly at the end of your rope. He said he wanted to talk and asked if you’d go for a drive with him, saying he was sorry about giving you the wrong impression and he wanted to make it up to you. You hesitantly agreed to leave with him not thinking anything could go wrong and your boyfriend was just being sincere.</p>
<p>Brock and you drove to his family's old barn. You'd been there many times in the past five months so, nothing felt off to you. He’d even laid out a blanket and a basket with food inside, making the atmosphere romantic and hopeful for a fresh start. Brock apologized and you thought he was sincere and wanted to fix your relationship, so you gave in and had sex with him, but it proved it wasn't anything spectacular. Brock's was never a sensual guy and liked it rough and hard.  </p>
<p>Once it was over, he looked at you and just laughed. </p>
<p>“What?” You asked, confused and feeling vulnerable. </p>
<p>“God you're so pathetic! Just give it up that easy!” Brock was still laughing in your face. </p>
<p>“I-I don't understand.” You felt uneasy and started to put on your clothes. </p>
<p>“All it took was a few simple words and I was back between your legs. Bet you'll give it up to just anyone, huh? Just like the little slut you are!”  </p>
<p>Brock’s words cut hard and deep. You had dated this guy for 5 months and thought you were in love with him but clearly, it was all a lie. You tried to put your clothes on fast as you could and get the hell out of there, not wanting to spend another moment with this colossus ass hole. </p>
<p>“Oh no you don't!” Brock grabs you, halting you attempt to escape. “You're not going anywhere my little whore! Jack!” He screams into the barn. “Jack! Come here and get a piece of this! She gives it up real easy!”  </p>
<p>Out of the shadows his best friend steps out grinning like a sly fox. How long had he been there? It didn't matter at this point, he was there, and you knew you were in serious trouble. <br/>Jack made his way over to where you and Brock were and the next thing you knew, you were being held down by Brock while Jack had his way with you, your boyfriend spewing hate into your ear the entre time. </p>
<p>You felt numb. There was nothing you could do to fight it, so you just laid there and let it happen. The tears were pouring from your eyes and you begged them to stop, but they ignored you. You even said please, but it fell on deaf ears and the assault continued until you felt Jack cum inside you, only then had you realized he wasn’t wearing a condom.</p>
<p>When they were done Brock told you to get dressed. You were still in shock, but somehow you managed to put your clothes back on, hiding your body and what had just been done to you. You don’t remember the details but somehow you ended up back in Brock’s car, the boy driving you home and throwing you out of the car like you were a piece of trash, leaving you stunned and hating the way your body had betrayed you.</p>
<p>That was the last time you were ever seen with Brock Rumlow and the last time anyone ever saw the old Y/N Rogers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a continuation of Ch. 11. Pay attention to the warnings and don’t read if any of that bothers you. This chapter is told from Bucky’s POV. I swear these two will get together. Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky sat in silence taking in everything you had disclosed, but his blood was boiling inside him. To say he was angry was an understatement. What the fuck gave anyone the right to do that to another human being? Especially you! You were so sweet and kind and beautiful, and Brock had taken advantage and broke you. He took your spirit and sunshine and for that alone he was going to pay. </p>
<p>“Don't…,” he hears, “I can tell what you're thinking and don't.” </p>
<p>“But that fuckwad hurt you!”  </p>
<p>“Yes, he did, but you can't. There's more.” He watches as she inhales a deep breath and lets it out. “He filmed the whole thing. Every single second. Not only that… Jack took pictures. They decided to humiliate me and printed some of them and hung them around the school. The video… it made its way around as well. I was the laughing stock of our high school.” Tears began to run down her cheeks and Bucky wanted nothing more than to kiss them away. </p>
<p>“WHAT. THE. FUCK!” Bucky face turns red and he’s getting angrier by the second. “How the fuck did he get away with this?!” He demanded to know. “How could Brock do this to you, film it, and he’s not sitting in a jail cell right now?!”  </p>
<p>“Steve…,” she says softly, and he can see just how hard all this is on her, “…he went after Brock. Steve was going to kill him, almost did. Broken nose, broken jaw, fractured skull, four broken ribs, broken hand, concussion. Bye bye football. Steve was going to murder him, consequences be damned. The reason Steve is free is because of that video. Brock denied there was one, but Tony is a tech genius and was able to get ahold of it and he showed it to Brock's parents. They knew what it would do to their son, so an agreement was made that neither party would press charges. I couldn't see Steve go to prison for attempted murder, so I agreed even though Steve protested and said it'd be worth it. His parents lied to the police and said it was a random attack, not uncommon here in Brooklyn so, it was believable.” </p>
<p>Bucky stood and started pacing the floor. Brock had gotten away with this. Bucky couldn't form words and just kept shaking his head while he processed the information. “And Jack?” Wondering If the other boy had suffered any consequences for his part in your assault. </p>
<p>“Natasha.” </p>
<p>Bucky just stared, lost in thought. “What did she do?” </p>
<p>She shrugged her shoulders and smirked. “I'm not supposed to know… but it's entirely possible that she knows a guy that may have somehow pulled a Sons of Anarchy on him and burned a certain word on his back. That word may or may not have been ‘Rapist’, but I can't confirm that.”  </p>
<p>Bucky smiled at that. Steve had beat the shit out of Brock and ended his football career, and Natasha had scared Jack for life. To him it wasn't enough, but it would do for now.  </p>
<p>“So how does Brittany fit into all this?” Bucky needed to know how all the pieces connected. </p>
<p>“Brittany came to me after the incident and told me how I had been used and she’d been screwing Brock the entire time and how I'd forever be known as Brock's dirty whore. Talk about adding insult to injury. She laughed in my face and there wasn't anything I could do. She takes pleasure in knowing she'll be around every day to remind me of how pathetic I am. Her presence alone is the reminder, however, she's right though. I'll always be known as his dirty whore.” </p>
<p>Bucky walked over to you and knelt in front of you. “I seriously want to kill them! You don't deserve anything that happened to you, not one second of it. There's nothing I can say that can change the past, but if you give me the chance, I’ll treat you like the queen you deserve and give you a better future. Please?” He asked, almost pleading. </p>
<p>She swallowed hard and shook her head. “Bucky, I'm so damaged… broken. I literally can't do anything without my anxiety getting in the way, and we haven't even talked about my depression. It wouldn't be fair to you. I'm such a mess!” She gets up from the couch, making her way to the window and stares out at the world.</p>
<p>“You don't know what it's like getting up every day not knowing if your head is going to function right and let you make it through an entire day without freaking out! I take meds to help keep my anxiety and depression under control, and I've blacked out because it becomes too much. All this, because I put my trust in a guy that was a piece of shit! He ruined me! I can never get back to the way I was, and you shouldn't have to deal with my fucked up head and depressive bullshit!” She said, never turning to face him. </p>
<p>Bucky comes up from behind and wraps his arms around your waist pulling you tightly to his body. I'm here, baby…,” he whispers and kisses your temple. “You're absolutely right, I don't know what it's like and can't imagine what you've been through and what you continue to go through daily. What happened changed who you were into who you are now, but it's the person you are now that I want to be with. Whatever it is, well face it together. You'll never have to be alone because I want to be there for you…always.” Bucky finishes with another kiss to your head. </p>
<p>“Bucky... why? Why me?” She turns around to look him in the eyes. </p>
<p>“Why not you? You're beautiful, smart, funny, and I can't stop wanting to be in your presence. You have this amazing smile that warms my heart and I just can’t get enough of it. You're fierce when your angry, and you have a killer right hook! You're perfect for me, and I want to spend every day telling you how amazing you are and showing you how much you deserve to be cherished.” </p>
<p>He saw her mouth curl up in a hesitant smile. “Can you promise not to hurt me?”  </p>
<p>Bucky nodded. “I will never intentionally hurt you, ever! This is what I can promise you.” He takes his left hand and places it on your cheek, feeling you lean into his touch</p>
<p>“Can I kiss you, please?” Bucky asks, looking into her eyes for permission. </p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>It was barely a whisper, but he heard it. He smiles and leans in, his lips making contact and kissing her softly, taking things slow. </p>
<p>“Sorry to interrupt…,” Nat interrupts making Bucky pull away, “Steve’s on his way. Sam just text me asking if I was still here and said Steve just left. We've got about 10 minutes. lover boy.” </p>
<p>“Fucking Steve!” Bucky rested his forehead on hers and laughed at the. “Of course, he would come home now.” </p>
<p>“Yes, he would and if you don't want a matching set of black eyes, we should leave now.” Nat reminds him of the impending doom. </p>
<p>“You should go, it's better if you weren't here.” </p>
<p>Bucky nods, now knowing just how enraged Steve can become to protect someone he loves. “But what about us?” He asks before walking away. </p>
<p>She shrugs. “We'll figure this out. We can text, talk on the phone. We'll see each other at school…” </p>
<p>“What about a date?” </p>
<p>She shakes her head “I'm not sure? But it'll happen.” </p>
<p>That makes Bucky grin widely. “Good! Cause I want to take my girl out like she deserves,” he says with confidence. </p>
<p>“Your girl?” She questions with a smirk. </p>
<p>“Yes, my girl… if you'll have me.”  </p>
<p>“Yes, she'll have you, but not if you don't get your ass out that door!” Nat’s voice sounds irritated. </p>
<p>“Go! Now!” </p>
<p>Bucky feels himself being pushed out the door. “What about a goodbye kiss?” He laughs. </p>
<p>“You're insufferable.” Natasha grabs Bucky by his shirt and drags him to the vehicle. “CAR NOW!” </p>
<p>It wasn't a request but a demand. He concedes and hurries to get it. “Bye! I'll text you.” Bucky watches you roll your eyes and wave as he gets in the car and buckles up.</p>
<p>“Remember to make me part of your speech when you get married,” Nat says with a smirk and starts the car.</p>
<p>Bucky chuckles and nods slowly. “I’ll buy you a vacation anywhere you’d like if it gets to that point.”</p>
<p>“And as long as you don’t hurt her you get to live another day.”</p>
<p>“I’ll protect her with my life.” Bucky promises. It’s a promise he intends to keep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So we got through the slow burn but things are still going. This chapter is told from Bucky’s POV and is kind of a filler but has a point and you’ll see why.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waking up the next morning, Bucky was groggy, and his head hurt. It wasn’t exactly his head, more so his eye from the epic right hook you had given him yesterday afternoon. He was almost certain you could kick his ass and wouldn’t need Natasha or Steve to hand him ass if he ever hurt her and hurting her was non-existent on his things he’d like to do before he dies. </p><p>The fact anyone would want to hurt her was beyond him and something he was still having a hard time processing. She was the sweetest, softest, most beautiful person with the most perfect soul he had ever met, and Rumlow and his cronies had taken and broken her, and Bucky wanted nothing more than to help put her back together and watch her shine bright for the world to see. </p><p>First things first, he needed to get his ass up and ready for school. The sooner he made this happen the sooner he could see her and hopefully establish if they were going to be an actual couple. They didn’t have time to talk about it yesterday even though they did text a bit back and forth, the topic just never came up. However, he kinda wanted to have that discussion face to face and not via text message. </p><p>It didn’t take him long to get himself together and out the door with a pep in his step and a smile on his face. Bucky felt good, better than good. He can’t remember the last time he felt this happy and carefree. Maybe that’s because it was an entirely new feeling for him, and he owed that all to her and if everyday felt like this when it was new, he can’t imagine what the future held and how his feelings would grow and blossom into the foundations for their lives.</p><p>Bucky approached his locker and looked around at the people milling about. He was hoping to see her before classes started but he didn’t see you or Natasha anywhere. No worries. He was sure at some point your paths would cross, at least he hoped they would and when that happened maybe he could press his lips to yours in a soft kiss. Yeah, he was already in deep and at the point of no return.</p><p>The device in his pants buzzes, alerting him to a new text and he pulls it out and smiles when he sees who the message is from.</p><p>My Heart: Morning! I just want to say hello before I went into class.</p><p>Bucky grins and quickly types back, trying to make the most of the conversation in the short time they have.</p><p>Bucky: Morning beautiful! Hope you have a wonderful day and I can’t wait to see you. I do have a question.</p><p>My Heart: Sure, what’s up?</p><p>Bucky inhales a deep breath and lets it out, his nerves building quickly, and he can feel his heart pounding in his chest. </p><p>Bucky: So, am I your boyfriend?</p><p>He hits send and puts the phone back in his pocket, scared to see the reply when it comes through. He gathers the things he’ll need and slams the door, walking away and heading in the direction of his class. He makes it to his desk when he feels the phone vibrate, and he quickly pulls it out and stares at the response.</p><p>My Heart: Do you want to be?</p><p>Of course, he wants to be, was that really even a question.</p><p>My Heart: But, yes. Wait, you are my boyfriend?! I didn’t read this right?!</p><p>Bucky: YES!!! Please don’t panic! I just wanted to be sure.</p><p>He could sense the impending worry in her message and quickly followed it up with some reassurance.</p><p>My Heart: Thank god. Class is about to start, ttyl!</p><p>Bucky: Bye!</p><p>Bucky smiled at the conversation. She was his officially his girlfriend. No, they couldn't go public yet, and everything would have to be done in secret, but it wouldn't be forever. Just until Steve and the rest of the gang forgave him for his past mistake. He'd have to start working on that right away. </p><p>It was lunchtime when he laid eyes on her, spotting her sitting with Steve and their friends. She glances over at him when he walked into the lunch room and gave a soft smile meant for his eyes only. Bucky blushes and smiles back but quickly turns away, trying not to gain any attention from the group of friends keeping a close watch on her.</p><p>Bucky found an empty table that still had a view of his girlfriend and sat down with his lunch. He hated sitting alone and he wished he could be by her side; laughing and joking with everyone, holding her hand and maybe placing gentle kisses to her cheek, but it wasn’t meant to be. Man, he’d give anything to be over there right now.</p><p>“Hey man! What happened to your face? You mess with someone's sister?” Clint laughed, pointing to Bucky’s eye, pulling out a chair and sitting down across from him.<br/>All Bucky could do was stare in shock, not expecting anyone from the friends circle to break rank and come keep him company. “Wait, what?” he finally responds once the shock and awe wore off. </p><p>“Your eye. Did you mess with the wrong sister? Ya got a nice shiner,” Clint says a little slower for Bucky to understand. </p><p>“Unstoppable force, immovable object?” Bucky questions trying to change the topic and takes a bite of his sandwich. </p><p>“Didn't take you for a Superman kinda guy.” </p><p>Bucky does a little happy dance in his head. Sweet diversion, I love thee. “I'm not. D.C. doesn't hold my attention. I just remember the quote. Now Marvel… I could watch that all day,” Bucky says, and Clint nods his head in agreement. </p><p>“A man after my own heart.” </p><p>Bucky blushes at the remark. “Aww Clint, does that mean I'm forgiven, and we can date now?” He jokes with a grin.</p><p>Clint smiles and bats his eyes. “Hell yeah, it does...and I was never mad. You're a good guy. Shit happens.” </p><p>Thank god. One less person to win over. First Nat, then Y/N, now Clint. He thinks things are starting to look up for him. </p><p>“So how long?” Clint asks, grabbing one of Bucky’s fries and shoving into his mouth. </p><p>Bucky doesn't understand the question and stares back at the blond confused. “How long what?” </p><p>Clint chuckles. “That's cute if you're gonna go with that.” </p><p>Bucky still looks lost. He truly doesn't understand the context and Clint doesn’t want to elaborate. Bucky knows he’s not a carnival mind reader, but it’s clear he’s gonna have to be if this line of questioning keeps up. </p><p>Clint appears frustrated and rolls his eyes. “How long have you two been dating?”  </p><p>Bucky’s eyes go wide in shock and his mouth goes agape. This was not what he expected and was totally caught off guard. They’ve only been together for a couple of hours and hasn't been a discussion about who can know of their change in relationship status, so how the fuck did Clint already know?</p><p>“Dating who? I'm not dating anyone!” Bucky lies as convincingly as possible. He hates to but it's his only way out. </p><p>“Really? You're not dating Steve's sister? Because you two can’t keep your eyes off each other and look all madly in love. It’s obvious, really. Surprised I’m the only one that’s caught on, actually.” Clint smirks and steals another fry.</p><p> “What?” Bucky’s eyes gravitate on instinct to her and he sees her look up at him and smile back with a blush, quickly looking away. “I can't look at her? You already know I think she's beautiful.” His attention is back on Clint, hoping to dispel Clint’s hypothesis.  </p><p>A lightbulb appears to go off and Clint perks up and stands from his chair. “Well... if you won't confirm it, maybe I'll go over and ask her in front of everyone, hmmm?” Clint grins and he knows he's won. </p><p>“Fucking hell, Clint!!” Bucky raises his voice in a pleading manner. “Please, I’m begging you… don't.”</p><p>Smirking, Clint sits back down and takes more fries from Bucky’s plate. “See how much better it is when you tell the truth?” </p><p>Bucky sighs and pushes his plate of food over to Clint, his appetite gone now that his relationship has already been blown out of the water. “What gave it away?” He asks, needing to know what they’d done to make it obvious, so they don’t repeat the same mistakes again.</p><p>Clint leans in and looks him dead in the eye, eyes piercing deep into his soul. “That girl disappeared three days ago after slapping you and locked herself in her room. She reappears today after a secret mission to the Rogers house was carried out and she's happy and laughing and bubbly. I haven't seen her like this since before that pig fucker came into her life. Not a single one of us has been able to bring that out of her, so it has to be you. Besides you two can't stop eye fucking each other! You're begging for Steve to catch you.” </p><p>All he wanted was to see you smile, and now you are. Maybe everyone seeing you happy is the start of mending friendships. If Clint can see just how happy she is now, maybe the others will see it and when they find out Bucky is the cause of her happiness, they’ll be open to welcoming him back and they won’t have to hide their couple status. He just wants them to accept their relationship so she can be happy.</p><p>“I don't want to hide,” Bucky begins. “I want everyone to know we're together, but everyone is still pretty upset with me. And then there’s Steve. I know he’s still mad at me and won't be happy when he finds out and I’m almost positive he’ll use his big beefy body to kick the shit out of me when he finds out about us. I’m just a dead man walking, right now.”   </p><p>“I might be able to help with that,” Clint says with a grin. </p><p>“Oh?” </p><p>“I may be able to persuade him to keep an open mind and maybe even forgive you,” Clint smirks and Bucky knows he’s hiding something. </p><p>“I'm listening.” </p><p>Clint shrugs and pops another fry into his mouth, slowly eating it, keeping Bucky in suspense. “Steve would never deny his boyfriend anything,” he says stone faced and matter of fact.</p><p>“You shut your whore mouth!!” Bucky exclaims from the bombshell that was just blatantly dropped drawing the attention of people around them. </p><p>“Shhh Bucky!!! No one knows! Steve's still stuck deep in the closet.” </p><p>“No fucking way! I spent all my time with Steve, there's no way!” Bucky says in disbelief. </p><p>“Yeah, well we know how not to look obvious and are really good at hiding it. Just keep it quiet please. Steve’s not ready to come out yet.” Clint pleads, worry written on his face. </p><p>Bucky nods in silent understanding and agreement. He'd keep his mouth shut. It wasn't his secret to tell and it’s hard telling how people would react to the Captain of the lacrosse team coming out as gay. Bucky would never out anyone and would happily keep this secret and be supportive when the time comes Steve is ready to let it be known. </p><p>And as if he knew someone was talking about him, Bucky sees Steve makes his way over to them and comes to a halt at the table, nervously shifting on his feet. “Hey Clint… Bucky,” Steve says, digging his hands in his pockets. </p><p>Eyes shift around awkwardly between the three of them, no one making conversation, tension high from this unexpected turn of events. </p><p>“Well, this is uncomfortable… Steve? Ready to go to class?” Clint asks standing up from the table. </p><p>“Yeah, sure. Be right there?” Steve eyes meet Clint in a silent understanding. Clint nods and waves to Bucky before taking off, disappearing into a crowd of kids.</p><p>Steve stands in front of Bucky and he can see the uncertainty of whatever brought him over. He's sure Steve's gonna yell at him or threaten him with a ‘stay away from my sister’ talk and is the reason he appears out of sorts right now.</p><p>“I think we should talk.” Steve finally says after a long silence. “Not now… we gotta get to class. After school, maybe?” </p><p>Bucky swallows hard, relieved to have the impending death talk delayed until later. “Yeah, I'd like that. After school’s good.”  </p><p>“Ok. I'll-I’ll see ya later.” Steve quickly turns and leaves without wasting another awkward second. </p><p>“Later,” Bucky replies already too late for Steve to hear, the taller boy making his way through the crowd and out the door. </p><p>Wow, Bucky thinks as he grabs his plate and heads over to the trash. This was not how he thought today was going to go. Today started out happy, finally gaining the attention and relationship he wanted, now he’s gotta worry about Steve and the ‘talk’ after school. Throw in a side bomb of Clint and Steve and this has got to be the most epically fucked up day of his young life. Oh, well. At least in this world full of crazy he blends right in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello! We are almost to the halfway mark and now that these two are a couple things will start moving and happening. We’re starting to get to the good stuff now!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thanksgiving was approaching quickly, and you and Bucky had been together for a month. The only people who knew were Nat and Clint and they were both keeping their mouths shut, letting the two of you set the pace for letting your group of friends know your truth. Hiding your relationship was getting harder by the day and you weren't sure how much longer your resolve would hold, and you’d end up blurting out your secret to everyone while sitting at the lunch table. </p>
<p>Bucky had told you Steve had reached out to him to talk, but your brother never carried through. Your boyfriend had waited around after school, but Steve never came. He’d ditched Bucky and now he felt he was back to square one. The entire thing was taking a toll on you and you knew you would hit your breaking point very soon.</p>
<p>“Hey baby?” Bucky kisses the top of your head. The two of you were wrapped up in a tangled mess of limbs, cuddling on your bed. This had become your favorite after school activity since you started dating. Steve never came home before six and your mom didn't get home from the hospital until around eight, so that gave you plenty of time together without the fear of being caught. </p>
<p>“Hmmmm?” You were so comfortable laying on his chest watching tv that sleep was starting to overtake you. </p>
<p>“I think we should tell Steve.” </p>
<p>You sat up and looked at your boyfriend puzzled. “Really? Why?” </p>
<p>“Because I don't want to hide anymore, and I see the stress this is causing you. You've been so good, no attacks lately, but I feel the longer we keep this a secret the more we jeopardize your anxiety. I won't do that to you.” Bucky’s gently holding your face and you see the sincerity in his eyes. </p>
<p>“You really are perfect.” </p>
<p>Bucky chuckles and leans in for a soft kiss. Kissing him has become your most favorite thing next to cuddles. “When should we do this?” Asking him as you pull away to grab your phone checking the time. </p>
<p>“No time like the present. Let's just get it over with.” He gets up off the bed, putting on his shoes in case he'll need to make a quick getaway. </p>
<p>“Well, Steve should be home soon, it's ten minutes to six and I need to start dinner anyway. Guess now’s a good time to have all hell break loose,” you joke and get up off the bed. </p>
<p>Leaving your bedroom. the two of you head out to the kitchen to start dinner. Pasta sounds good and is quick and easy and you have zero motivation to do something big. Bucky helps by grabbing the box of shells and sauce from the cupboard and sets the items down on the counter. He's become familiar with the location of certain things now that he’s spending more time in your home. You've never asked him to help, he just does and you're happy this caring, helpful man is yours.  </p>
<p>“What the fuck is going on?!” Steve's voice startles you and you turn to see a very pissed off Steve and an equally annoyed Sam standing in the entryway of the kitchen. Steve’s was in full alpha mode with his chest puffed out, looking like bull at a rodeo ready to strike. This could get ugly quick and you hoped you could diffuse this situation before it got any worse.</p>
<p>“Dinner is what's going on. Hope you're in the mood for pasta.” You turned away and focused your attention to the shells boiling in the pot on the stove, dismissing your brothers’ question.</p>
<p>“Answer my question Y/N! What is he doing here?!” Steve inches closer to Bucky, preparing for a fight. His fists are balled up at his sides and you know he could strike at any moment. </p>
<p>You turn around and place yourself between Bucky and Steve, making yourself a shield to protect your boyfriend. “My boyfriend is here helping me make dinner! The fuck are you doing here?” You redirect the question to Steve, using the same tone he’d thrown at you.</p>
<p>“I fucking live here! And since when is he your boyfriend?” Steve yells, his face turning red. From the corner of your eye you can see Sam shaking his head in disapproval. </p>
<p>Bucky decides to take the lead and moves from behind you into Steve's direct line of sight. “For the past month,” he answers, “please don't be mad, Steve. We wanted to tell you and that’s why I’m here. We were ready to come clean and hoped you’d be accepting of our relationship. We’re sorry for hiding it from you.” Bucky apologizes looking directly at Steve, but Steve's eyes are locked on you. </p>
<p>“Seriously?!” Sam yells from behind Steve. “You couldn't get enough outta Brittany, you just had to come after Y/N too?!”  </p>
<p>“I didn't do anything with that girl!” Bucky defends against the verbal attack. “How many times do I have to tell you?”</p>
<p>Sam scoffs and shakes his head. “Since when is tonsil hockey nothing?! Why could you just leave her alone? She doesn't need you, you're no better than Brock!”  </p>
<p>Sam’s words ignite a fire in you and you've absolutely had enough. “How dare you talk to my boyfriend that way, and how dare you say that name in my house! I am sick to death of your shit Sam Wilson! Quit judging him on something he knew nothing about and trust me to be able to make my own decisions. Last time I checked I was still my own person!” </p>
<p>“He's just trying to protect you!” Steve joins in the yelling match, agreeing with his friend.</p>
<p>“Protect me from what, myself?! I’m seriously damaged beyond repair, no one can fuck me up anymore!” You're facing your brother at this point, knowing he's got a rebuttal for everything. </p>
<p>“You're not damaged-” </p>
<p>“Just fucking stop Steve!” You interrupt him. “I know what I am! And guess what? He knows it too, but he doesn't judge me for it. He cares about me, my feelings, my thoughts. Me! He makes me happy. Can't you see this is the happiest I've been in a long time? Why can't you just let me have this? What’s more important to you, the person I've been for the last year or me right now?” Your eyes are watering from all the emotion building inside you.</p>
<p>“I won't hurt her, Steve. I care about her too much,” Bucky says, coming up behind you and wraps you up in a loving embrace. </p>
<p>“And when you do, we'll be the ones picking up the pieces just like before!” Sam's tone just as harsh and not letting up. </p>
<p>“God, you just can't cut me a break, can you?” Bucky steps away from you and moves past Steve to stand directly in front of Sam. “What did I do to make you hate me?”  </p>
<p>“You think I can't see it? I'm sure there's a reason you moved here from nowhere Indiana. Probably got in trouble and this was your only chance at redemption. You're just another broken white boy that needs fixing and she's not your savior!” Sam has inched his way closer to Bucky, the two of them are practically breathing the same air.</p>
<p>“You need to leave, Sam. I won't ask you again.” You're staring daggers at him, the tone of your voice anything but nice. </p>
<p>Sam scoffs and steps back from Bucky, his gaze now fixed on you. “You're joking right?! I've known you since the first grade, and you're siding with him after a month?! Obviously, Brock fucked you all kinds of wrong, because you are seriously fucked up in the head!” </p>
<p>Sam regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, but it was too late. The damage had been done. It took all of three seconds for Bucky to react, punching Sam in the face, making the boy fall to the ground. In an instant, Bucky was on him, continuing his attack, landing punch after punch with no intention of stopping.  </p>
<p>Steve watches in a state of disbelief, but then comes to his senses and moves to the two on the floor trying to remove the brunette from Sam, but Bucky's body is just about as big as Steve’s and lifting him from the other man was a struggle. </p>
<p>“Let go of me!” Bucky yells, trying to remove the grasp that’s holding him back from his target.</p>
<p>“Bucky stop please! You're gonna seriously hurt him!” Steve pleads with an adrenaline filled Bucky, finally peeling him off Sam. </p>
<p>“That's the fucking point!” Sam’s face has taken a beating, blood coming from multiple openings and cuts. </p>
<p>“What the hell is going on here?!” Sarah Rogers has entered the kitchen and assess the scene. She moves quickly, kneeling next to the bloodied boy laying on the ground. “Sam are you ok?” <br/>Sam just groans in response, the fight taking its toll on him. “Don’t get up, let me check you out first. Steve…,” Sarah gets the attention of her son, “… get Bucky out and then tend to your sister.” </p>
<p>In all the confusion, you had been forgotten. You were sitting on the ground with your knees up to your chest trying to control your breathing, a panic attack had set it. </p>
<p>Bucky removes himself from Steve’s hold and crawls to your side. “I'm so sorry baby!” He places his arms around your body and starts rocking you back and forth trying to offer comfort with his embrace.</p>
<p>“Bucky…,” you cry out, tears running down your face. </p>
<p>“I'm here baby, I'm not leaving you.” His lips are peppering your head with tender kisses as he rocks you. </p>
<p>“Bucky... what did you do?” You whisper and start to pull away from his embrace. </p>
<p>“I'm sorry… I… he… fuck!” He stutters, unable to make out a complete sentence. </p>
<p>“Hey Bucky, let’s go.” Steve’s next to him, a large hand on his shoulder. “Come on, I'll take you home.” Steve's words are soft and there's a kindness about him. </p>
<p>Bucky hesitated for a moment and gave you one last kiss before standing got to his feet, his eyes never leaving yours. “I love you.” Was the last thing he said, turning to Steve and letting the blond walk him through the house, leaving you to watch your mother tend the boy who just took a beating at the hands of the guy you loved.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter is a filler but it does have a purpose. Relationships and friendships have changed and lines have been drawn. I promise next weeks installment will be longer. Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky wasn't in school the next day, but neither was Sam. It took Sam a couple of days to recover from the stomping he received before he could show his face. However, when Sam did return later that week everything changed and none of it good. </p><p>Natasha heard the entire incident first from you then from Steve. By the time she got to Sam, her mind was made up. Nat decided to hear his version of events, but in the end, she felt Bucky was justified and Sam's choice of words against you hit too deep for her to forgive. She ended their relationship and didn’t even feel bad about walking away. </p><p>Steve also turned his back on Sam. It's wasn't that he felt he deserved to have his face rearranged, but after talking things over with Sarah, he realized Sam had overstepped some major boundaries and the words he said about his twin and her mental state were enough to erase their friendship. Blood is always thicker than water.  </p><p>Sam appeared to be a man without a county and decided to hang out with Tony and Pepper. The couple had made it known they were remaining neutral since neither of them were involved with the altercation. They hoped that someday forgiveness could be achieved, and they’d all be friends again but understood the wounds of were too fresh and everyone needed time to heal. Tony and Pepper let it be known they’d be waiting with open arms when the time was right.</p><p>Clint had chosen to side with Steve and Nat. He was loyal to his closeted boyfriend, but once he heard the details, he was upset that Sam would say things he knew would be hurtful you. He'd plan to have a very angry conversation Sam but would give himself time to cool off. </p><p>Everything was a mess. You sat in class, distracted and unable to focus, all you could think about was Bucky. It’d been a few days and you hadn’t heard from your boyfriend, the boy ignoring your texts and calls making you increasingly worried as the days went on without contact. The silence from Bucky was deafening and didn’t do anything to dispel the fear creeping inside you that something was seriously wrong.</p><p>“Sweetheart,” Nat says, trying to get your attention. Your teacher was out, and a substitute was taking her place.  </p><p>Your eyes meet the redheads, but you don’t speak. Talking hasn’t been big on your priority list since battle Barnes and Wilson took place in your kitchen. </p><p>“Honey, are you okay?” </p><p>You shake your head and lower your eyes to your desk. Part of you wanted to give a snarky response for her ridiculous question. Being your best friend, you’d think she’d know you were definitely not okay and table that sort of question for another time. </p><p>“Wanna go for a drive?”</p><p>Raising your head and eyebrows, you’re intrigued by her question. You nod and without hesitation she leaves her seat and walks out the door, the fill in teacher not even batting an eye. It was obvious they weren’t paying attention so, why not?  Following Nat’s lead, you stood and left the classroom without so much as a look from the teacher sitting behind the desk.  </p><p>You meet up with her in the hallway and make your way to the exit nearest her car. There's no talk between the two of you, clearly focused on getting out without being seen. Everyone's in class and the hallways are clear, but sometimes teachers roam the halls and the object was to not get caught.  </p><p>The coast was clear as you exited the building and made your way through the crowded parking lot. Since Nat’s car was a classic, not only did it stand out, but she parked it in the way back to avoid any potential damage to her beauty. She'd kill anyone if they hurt that car.  </p><p>As you get closer, she gets out her car keys and throws them in your direction. You would have missed them if you hadn't seen the quick movement out of the corner of your eye. “The fuck Nat?” Your face a mixture of shock and awe. She just threw you the keys to her most precious possession. Nat has clearly lost her mind. </p><p>“Hark! Fair Juliet speaks.” You give her an eye roll. “What? You don't want to drive?” </p><p>“But I lost the bet.” Reminding her of the challenge you accepted long ago. </p><p>“It was never a bet, you won either way. There was never a way you could lose.” She smiles and continues walking. </p><p>“But Nat… this car… your baby… you love this car more than life itself!” You’re still in disbelief of the situation. </p><p>“No, I love you more than life itself. The car is just an item, it only holds a monetary value. You're more precious to me than any car and right now, you need a boost.”  </p><p>Her declaration made you feel warm inside. Nat was your best friend, but in that moment her words made you feel like she was trying to tell you something. Maybe she's just trying to get over her breakup and she didn't mean those words to sound as deep as you thought. Best not to dwell on that idea. She just trying to be an amazing friend. </p><p>“Thank you, Nat. You really are my best friend.” You head to the driver’s side door, giddy and nervous as hell.</p><p>“Don't you ever forget it.” She opens the passenger door and climbs in. </p><p>“Nat...do you ever lock your doors?” Noticing the doors just open without a key. </p><p>“No one is stupid enough to even think about fucking with me or this car!” </p><p>“Guess that's cause you're a bad bitch huh?”  </p><p>“You know it! Now get in and put the key in the ignition and drive.” </p><p>You nod and get in the car, shutting the door and placing the key in the ignition. Inhaling a deep breath, you slowly let it out before you turn the key and start the engine, the bad ass car roaring to life making you feel like a fucking boss. </p><p>“So where to my lady?” You ask the redhead sitting next to you. </p><p>Nat turns to face you a smirk plastered on her face. “Bucky’s.”</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello, lovelies! This chapter is told through Bucky’s POV and contains his back story so, I’m sorry about the length, but I thought you should know what he’s had to endure and a little bit about the bull shit he’s had to go through. Hope you all enjoy and please let me know what you think!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky had been in his own world for days. After the fight, Steve had taken him home and tended to the brunet, making sure he was good and okay to be home by himself. Bucky let the blond know he’d be okay and could handle himself, even said he’d see him at school tomorrow, which must’ve been the right words to say to get the boy to leave. Bucky saw Steve out the door and once he was gone, he let out a breath and pressed his head up against the cool door. There was no way in hell he could ever show his face around that school again after what went down tonight.</p><p>It didn’t take long for him to pick himself up and let the guilt and anger take over and he made his way to his father’s liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of Jack and sucking it down, hoping the dark substance would numb the pain he felt inside for hurting you. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost himself in a bottle and it wouldn’t be the last. If his father was going to keep a healthy supply, why shouldn’t he partake?  George Barnes either didn’t notice or didn’t care how much of his liquor he lost to his son. Hell, he might notice if he was ever home and wanted to be a better parent to his son, but that wasn’t in the cards for Bucky. No one wants to parent a loser son. </p><p>Pounding. He’s not sure if it’s coming from his head or somewhere else, but which ever it is, it’s enough to wake him from the drunken sleep he knows he was in. Reaching out, he grabs his and brings it to his face, opening one eye to check the time and he sees the notifications on the screen alerting him to the missed calls and messages he’s missed, all of them from you. Groaning, he puts the phone back and closes his eyes, choosing to let sober Bucky deal with that nonsense later, however life was not about to let Bucky get what he wanted.</p><p>The pounding increases in tempo and strength he realizes it's not in his head and doesn’t appear to be ending anytime soon, so he haphazardly rolls himself out of bed, and makes for the direction of the sound he thinks is coming from the front of the house. Maybe it’s an animal, but what creature could be so persistent and determined to wake him after only a few hours of sleep? Whatever it was, they were going to have words and it’ll be a fight to the death once Bucky gets his hands on it for disturbing his pathetic drunken existence. He hoped they knew just how fucking rude they really were.</p><p>As he gets closer to the unbearable sound, it dawns on him the noise is coming from the front door and whoever is behind it is a certifiable asshole for adding is his throbbing headache and he’s had enough of the incessant racket. “I'm fucking coming!” He yells, trying to get whoever’s making the noise to stop but they are paying him no attention and continue to pound.  </p><p>“Ugh, fuck, stop!” Bucky opens the door and sees Nat grinning with a metal baseball bat in hand. </p><p>“Bout time you opened the goddamn door.” </p><p>“Fuck, Nat!” Bucky covered his eyes to shield them from the sunlight, too much for his hungover state. </p><p>“You look like hell Barnes.” She comments and pushes her way past him and enters the house without his permission. </p><p>“Didn't realize I was entertaining guests.” He shuts the door and walks to the living room following behind her. </p><p>Nat takes a seat on the couch and looks him over. “When's the last time you showered?” She’s quick to notice his disheveled appearance and matted hair. </p><p>“Why are you here?” He counters, not yet ready to acknowledge his hungover state.  </p><p>“Jack, Johnny, or Jim?” Bucky watches her eyes spot the few empty bottles scattered around in various locales in the living room. </p><p>“Jack and Jim mostly, but Jose did make an appearance. Care to join me?” He grabs the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the end table where he left it. </p><p>“No thanks, I'm a vodka kinda girl.”  </p><p>Bucky shrugs. “Suit yourself.” He takes a drink of the bottle in his hand, the hard-liquid burns going down, but he doesn't care. The object is to get drunk again and forget this is his shitty, fucked up life. </p><p>“You're gonna make yourself sick.” Nat watches him continue to ingest the liquor like it’s Kool-Aid. </p><p>“Uh huh. That's the point.” Bucky moves on shaky legs and walks to a recliner, plopping his body down and put the bottle right back up to his mouth. </p><p>“What would your girlfriend say if she saw you right now?” </p><p>“Girlfriend?” Bucky laughs. “I lost her, so there’s no one around that gives two fucks about me, thank you very much!”  Apparently, Nat doesn’t find this amusing and glares daggers at him. “I did what I do best and because of that I’m back to being single again. Got any one else you’d like to throw in my face?” There's anger in his voice, but Nat knows it's just the alcohol talking.  </p><p>“James, you didn't lose her. She's worried about you.” </p><p>“She shouldn't be.” <br/>“James, she loves you. You'd know that if you answered your phone.” </p><p>Bucky shakes his head with a smile and takes another drink of liquid courage. “No one loves me. She should forget about me just like everyone else.” He puts the bottle down on the coffee table and gets out of the chair, disappearing down the hallway, stumbling as he goes. It doesn’t take him very long to make it to his bedroom and grab his proof, heading back to the living room and holding out a piece of paper to Nat. “I'm not worth loving.” </p><p>Nat takes the paper from Bucky and he backs away until he gets to the recliner and falls back into it. He watches her eyes travel to the paper and her body visibly relaxes. </p><p>“James, <br/>I'm going away. Be back in a few weeks. You're on your own for Thanksgiving.  Dad. I memorized it. Pretty good, huh? What other kids do you know get left alone for a holiday? None I bet.”</p><p>Nat frowns up at James, her face etched with sorrow. “I'm sorry.” </p><p>Bucky chuckles and shrugs, trying to play it cool as best as his hungover allows. “I'm not. He could care less if I live or die. I found that note the night of the fight. Came home and the fucker was gone! What kind of parent leaves their kid for weeks at a time and over a holiday no less?” </p><p>“Obviously one not vying for parent of the year.” She stands up and walks over to him, kneeling in front of him. “You don't have to stay here, ya know? You can come stay with me or with Y/N and Steve-” </p><p>“I can't stay with them!” Bucky is quick to interrupt. “I hurt someone in their home, I can never go back there…I'm not welcome anywhere!” He breaks down and tears begin to well up.</p><p>“Hon, you are welcome. Why do you think I'm here?” </p><p>“Cause, I beat up your boyfriend and you want to extract your pound of flesh?” </p><p>Nat’s the one chuckling now. “Ex-boyfriend,” she corrects, “I couldn't condone the words he said about Y/N.” </p><p>Bucky nods and relaxes, some of the previous tension at seeing the red head fading with her admission. Sam’s words that night hit him hard. He couldn't imagine how Y/N felt about them. “How is she?” He asks, his guilt beginning to eat away at him for ignoring the call and texts. Bucky knows he should’ve answered them, but he was scared to to face the truth of his actions costing him the girl he knows he already loves so deeply. </p><p>“Honestly… not good. She hasn't been talking to anyone and starting to withdraw again. One thing’s certain, she misses the hell out of you.” </p><p>Looking down at Nat, he throws Nat his best attempt at a smile. “I miss her too.” He gets up from the and walks over to the window, stares out at the front yard. “She deserves better.” </p><p>“You are her better!” Nat pushes up from the floor and moves to stand behind him. “She’s so happy with you. You've made her happier in the past month than anyone ever, including her twin. Y/N loves you and needs you right now just as much as you need her!” </p><p>Bucky turns around to face Nat, a fierce determination in his eyes. There’s something he has to say and if he doesn’t do it now, he may never have to courage to do so ever again. “You should sit down.”  </p><p>“I just got up.”</p><p>“Natasha… sit.” He commands. Nat hesitates for a moment but does in fact do what is ordered, her eyes stay glued to him.</p><p>Bucky takes in a deep breath and lets it out, centering himself for the tale he’s about to tell. “I was born here, lived in this very house with my mom, dad, and sister. Dad was an ass hole, but he provided for his family without fail and we never wanted for anything. He was the kind of guy that spent more time at work than at home and when he was home, none of us were ever good enough for Mr. Perfect, George Barnes.  </p><p>There were good times, like holidays and vacations, but more often than not, things were bad. I swore he never liked us. He would always comment on how embarrassing we were or how grateful we should be to him. He often told me I'd never amount to anything and I'd be lucky if the Army took a loser like me. I was only eight when he said those words to me. </p><p>I can’t remember if he was always angry or he became angry as time went on. Maybe it was work or maybe he no longer wanted a family. Whatever it was, he never stopped yelling and fighting, constantly making my mom cry until one day she decided enough was enough. She filed for divorce and we moved to Indiana with my grandparents, never looking back or wanting to mend things. I was ten when we left, and I could see dad didn't care. He was free and no longer had us to burden him or hold him back. And we could now move on and live our lives with George Barnes.</p><p>Indiana was great and I had some amazing friends. They never thought I was a screw up and thought I was cool because I came from Brooklyn. We smoked, drank, got high, did all kinds of shit kids do, but God, we were idiots. We got busted a couple times breaking into houses just because we were bored, because in small town Indiana there ain’t shit to do and idle hands and all.</p><p>You’ll never believe I lost my virginity to the sheriff's daughter. We were both high from the joints we got from our friend, and neither of us knew what we were doing but it still happened, and I fucking hated myself for it afterwards. It’s something I can never get back or do over no matter how much I wish I could. My first time will forever be tainted in my mind.  </p><p>So, imagine my surprise when a month after losing my virgin status, my partner comes to me and says she’s pregnant. I freaked the fuck out and panicked. I was fourteen! What did I know about raising a kid? I didn't even know I could make one. I had no idea what to do, so I got drunk and stole a car. I was planning on driving as far away as possible and never fucking returning to this hole in the wall town for as long as I lived, but my plan was short lived. I didn't make it too far because I couldn’t legally and ended up crashing the car through the town’s grocery store window causing a fucklaod of damage I could never afford to pay back. I got charged, had to pay fines and do community service. Mom and dad were so mad… try having to endure that wrath. Eight out of ten would not suggest it. Come to find out, she wasn't even pregnant and made the whole thing up. It was seriously the beginning of the end for me.</p><p>Then mom got a boyfriend. He was nice at first. They dated for a while and eventually said she was in love and they were gonna get married. I wasn’t excited because I knew he didn't like me but there wasn’t anything I could do. I wasn’t about to fuck things up for her because I thought she deserved a good life after what our dad put her through. I just didn’t think I was the one that would pay the ultimate price for my mom’s lack of judgement.  </p><p>He started to get violent. Mom said it was nothing and told us not to worry. We knew better. We could see the bruises and marks he left behind. She told us he was just going through a rough patch and he'd change, but it was a lie because abusers never do. I’m pretty sure he forced her to lie, but what do I know? I’m just a dumb kid, who’s gonna listen to me anyway?</p><p>One night, I came home drunk, which was a constant state I might add given everything I had to endure in that god forsaken town. When I walked inside, I heard her boyfriend yelling at her. I tried to walk away, but I heard him hit her and I got angry. I couldn't take it anymore and my drunk fueled anger got the best of me and the next thing I know, I'm sitting I the back of a police car while the police question my mom about what happened. I didn't remember beating the shit outta him. He was unconscious and rushed to the hospital. My mom told them I was drunk and just beat him. She never told them about what he’d don’t to trigger the beating or the repeated abuse she was receiving at his hands. My mother hung me out to dry and abandoned me, holding steadfast in her story, protecting the man she’d known for a couple of years and not the child she carried for inside her for nine months.  </p><p>In the end, my dad was called and flew in from Brooklyn. My choices were stay there I do jail time, or I go back with my dad and never step foot in that little town again. Either way, I would have been neglected so, why not do it with the option to be free? I chose Brooklyn and as you can see, not much has changed for me. I'm so fucked up and no good for anyone! All I do is hurt people... that’s all I’ll ever be good for.” </p><p>“You never hurt me.” Nat and Bucky turn to see Y/N standing in the living room. </p><p>“How much did you hear?” Nat stands and heads over to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.</p><p>“Enough.” </p><p>“Why are you ignoring me?” She looks at him with soft eyes. </p><p>He's now sitting on the couch with his head in his knees. “I'm a fuck up.” </p><p>Moving closer, she sits beside him on the couch and rests a hand on his leg. “I don’t think that about you.” </p><p>“You should. I don't deserve you! You shouldn't want me… I’ll only hurt you. Just go! Leave, like every else! Go!” He yells, his eyes filled with tears.  </p><p>“Y/N, he's drunk, let's just go.” Nat grabs her arm, but she pulls away from her. </p><p>“I'm not going to abandon him like everyone else. That's most likely the reason he is drunk.” </p><p>Hearing your words warms his heart. Bucky knows he shouldn't have lashed out at you like that. Just another instance of him being a dumbass. </p><p>She takes her hand and places it on his cheek, caressing it softly. “Do you love me, Bucky?” </p><p>The tears have started to streak down his cheek, all the emotions hitting him at once her can’t hold them back any longer. “Yes…,” he whispers. </p><p>The response makes her smile and she leans in, kissing him gently on his lips. “Do you trust me?” </p><p>Bucky hesitates for a moment, nodding his head with a half-smile. “More than anyone.”  </p><p>She stands up in front of him and holds out a hand her hand in offering. “Good, cause I'm not leaving here without you. You're coming home with me.” <br/>Even half drunk, he knows the key to his future is standing in front of him and all he has to do is take her hand.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry for the late update. Reader brings Bucky home, but just how will Steve and Sarah handle it? Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nat dropped the two of you off and you lead Bucky inside and into your room. The first thing he asked was if he could use the shower and you quickly agreed. He looked like he hadn't showered since the last time you saw him, and he smelled like funk and liquor.  </p><p>After setting him up with a stuff for a shower, you left him alone and made your way to the kitchen. By the looks of him, he's gonna need some ibuprofen and water to help him sleep off that hangover, if the empty bottles around his house were anything to go on. Bucky needed lots of sleep and even more ibuprofen. Poor guy really was worse for wear.</p><p>Taking the items back to your room, you laid down on your bed and closed your eyes. What were you going to tell your mom and Steve? Would they understand and let Bucky stay? No one should be alone, especially for a holiday, but simply put, his father had abandoned him. Would your mother and brother see just how alone Bucky was and accept him into your home? Hope springs eternal and there’s no way you’d let your boyfriend spend another moment in that house, while his father did fuck all of nothing, neglecting his only son.</p><p>You're not sure how long you laid there lost in thought, but it was long enough for your boyfriend to finish his shower and come join you in your room. </p><p>“Hey.” Bucky's stands in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist. You sit up and look in his direction, your eyes gazing on his muscled chest and arms. “I would have got dressed, but I think my bag’s in here.” He points to his bag on the floor. </p><p>“I'll go-” </p><p>“Stay… please.” Bucky walks over and sits on the bed next to you. “I'm sorry…,” he places his hand on yours, “for everything.” You can see the pain and hurt in his eyes and it makes you want to cry. </p><p>“The only thing you did wrong was ghost me. Don't ever do that to me again.” </p><p>Bucky nods and moves his hand to your cheek, his thumb rubbing your skin softly. “I was an idiot. I fucked up and let my anger control me, and in the process, you had a panic attack. I hated myself for causing that, but I promise you... I'll never do that again. I love you and I don’t want to be the cause of any more of your pain.” Tears start to fall from his eyes, and you know he's being sincere. </p><p>“I love you, too.” You lean in and place a soft kiss on your boyfriends’ lips. Bucky quickly gets with the program and opens his mouth, deepening the kiss. You slip your tongue into his mouth, kissing him back with enthusiasm, letting your tongues playing with each other in a sloppy symphony, clearly having missed each other. Bucky must decide the positioning is all wrong, you can feel his hand move to your waist and with your help, you move from the bed and straddle his lap, your mouths still connected by your kiss. </p><p>With arms now wrapped around each other, the new position makes the kissing more heated, and you realize just how aroused you are. This is a totally new feeling for you. The way Bucky's kissing you, touching you, holding you. You've never felt like this before, and it’s a feeling you never want to lose or be without again. The arousal is intense, and you need more. You know Bucky is seriously turned on, his rock-hard cock grinds into you through the towel when he grinds himself into your covered core. The act leaves nothing to the imagination and you can feel a pool of moisture forming in your panties, and fuck, you were ready to give yourself over to him completely.</p><p>“Baby…,” Bucky breaks the kiss with a breathless gasp, both of your faces flushed, “…as much as I want this, and God knows I do, I don't think we should.” You frown but nod your head slowly in agreement, eyes lowered to the bed. “Hey…,” Bucky reaches out and raises your head to look you in the eyes. “I want this… but I want it when you're ready, and something tells me it’s not right now. I can wait.” </p><p>“Thank you.” Placing a quick kiss on his lips. Even though your body was definitely with the program and everything was saying yes, the truth was you probably weren’t ready. Your first time with Bucky was something you never wanted to regret. “I love you.” </p><p>“I love you, too, but I should get dressed and get some sleep while I can. Your mom may kick me out when she sees me so, I should get some rest while I still can.”  </p><p>You kiss him quickly on the lips and remove yourself from his embrace, standing up and walking to the bedroom door. “If you need anything, I'll be in the house somewhere.” </p><p>Bucky nods and you shut the door and see Steve standing up against the wall waiting for you. He puts his lips up to his mouth in silence and motions for you to follow him to the living room. </p><p>“How much did you hear?” You ask, plopping yourself down on the loveseat. Steve sits next to you, turning his body so he can look dead at you. </p><p>“Enough,” he replies and sits in silence. “Look…,” he finally breaks the awkwardness, “I can't say I'm entirely happy about everything and how it's all transpired, but from what I just heard between the two of you, I respect him. It couldn't have been easy stopping himself, but he did. I think I just might be able to forgive him. For you.”  </p><p>You smiled at your brother and suddenly enveloped him in a hug. “Thank you!”  <br/>Steve wraps his arms around you and pulls you tight. “You're welcome. I've missed this.” <br/>“Me too,” your voice muffled by his shoulder, “we should do this more often.” <br/>Steve chuckles, “I’d like that.” He breaks the hug and you resume looking at each other on the couch. “So… what's going on with Bucky?” </p><p>You inhale a deep breath and begin to explain everything that transpired, leaving nothing out, hoping to gain support from your twin. He sits there and listens without interruption and when you’re finally done, he shakes his head and frowns.  </p><p>“Wow! That's pretty fucked up. What the hell kinda people do that shit to their kid?“</p><p>“I can't believe both his parents have pretty much abandoned him. I mean, can you imagine if mom did that to us?” </p><p>Steve shook his head. “Mom would never do that to us. Sarah Rogers is one badass woman. She has to be… she's raised us.” </p><p>As if on cue, your mother walks in, holding two pizzas in hand. “What's this about me being a badass woman?” </p><p>“Nothing mom, just saying you had to raise us, so you're pretty badass.” Steve says, taking the pizzas from your mom and heading to the kitchen.</p><p>“Don't ever forget it!” Sarah calls out, following behind him.</p><p>You make your way to the kitchen, the three of you sit down and prepare to dig in. “Um...mom?” You need to talk to her about Bucky and now seems like the best time. </p><p>“Hmmm…,” she grabs at the pizza never looking up at you. </p><p>“I-uh… I need to talk to you about Bucky.” She stops mid movement and gives you a look of concern. “I’m fine! I promise, he didn't hurt me!” Sarah exhales and relaxes, putting the pizza down on her plate and you take that as a sign to continue. “He's here… in my room. Sleeping.” Sarah’s still silent waiting for the explanation and you end up recanting the story for the second time this evening. And just like Steve, she listens without interruption, waiting you to finish your heartbreaking story.</p><p>“He just can't stay there, mom! It's like no one cares about him!” Your voice is raised from all the emotion your carrying inside. </p><p>“But you do?” She questions, her face neutral, not giving anything away. </p><p>“I do… he shouldn't be alone, especially for the holiday. Not with his history.”  </p><p>Sarah turns and looks at Steve, who's being uncharacteristically non-verbal. “What do you think about all this?” She asks him. </p><p>Steve shrugs. “Well, Y/N’s right. He shouldn't be alone. Neither of his parents seem to care about him. I mean, he started drinking young and I'm sure his mom knew but didn't act, and when he became a problem, instead of helping him she just let him go. A mother should never turn their back on their children, and don’t let me get started on his dad. I think for his sake and Y/N’s he should just stay.” </p><p>You mouth a silent ‘thank you’ and he gives a slight nod. Sarah looks at the two of you and shakes her head. “Ugh! Ok. Rules. He’s to sleep on the couch and he goes to school every day. Bucky will keep his grades up and NO DRINKING! Got it?! Oh and no fighting! Absolutely no repeats of the kitchen incident!” </p><p>“I can do that.” You all turn to see Bucky standing there in the entrance to the kitchen. “I'm sorry to intrude, but I woke up and was hungry?” </p><p>Steve laughs and pulls out the empty chair next to him. “Dude, don't you know if you're hungry?” </p><p>Bucky smiles back at him. “Yeah I am. Starving actually.” He makes his way over and sits in the chair. You give him your plate and he grabs some pizza, shoving a few slices on the plate. </p><p>“Bucky,” Sarah speaks, breaking the silence that had had taken over the kitchen, “I'm very sorry about what's happened to you. I'm willing to let you stay for as long as you need, but you must follow my rules, and absolutely NOT hurt my daughter. Think you can handle that?” </p><p>“Yes ma'am. I can abide by your rules… I never want to hurt your daughter. I love her too much to ever hurt her.”  </p><p>Sarah smiles and places a warm hand on his arm, showing him her motherly comfort. “Then, you can stay.”</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry it's been a while since I've updated this fic. It's entirely written, I just have to edit it and haven't been able to find the time with so much going on. I'll try to do better. This chapter revolves around Thanksgiving. Enjoy!</p>
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    <p>The time leading up to Thanksgiving seemed to fly by in your household. Bucky had gone back to school, the two of you being open about your relationship and weren’t willing to hide anything from anyone. If anyone didn’t know the reason for the renewed smile on your face, they either had their heads in the sand or weren’t paying attention to the rumor mill and you honestly didn’t care. Life was on the up for you and Bucky was the reason for it. It’d been a long time since you’d felt this level of happiness within you.</p><p>Steve and Bucky had made their way to Bucky's house to clean up one day after school and grab some of the things he didn’t want to leave behind. Steve had told him to grab whatever he wanted, and they’d make it fit in his room. Most of Bucky's possessions were clothes, but there were a few things that held sentimental value and if his dad had his way, he'd toss them, so he thought to take some stuff and be done, letting his dad discard the rest. It really didn’t matter to Bucky if he never had to come back or deal with his dad ever again, he’d be content to live his life parent free. Your boyfriend said he was determined to have a good life despite the people who were responsible for his existence. </p><p>Thanksgiving Day arrived and you spent all day either helping your mom or cuddling with Bucky. You didn't have any other family, so you guys always stayed home and watched tv or played games together to pass the time. However, this year was different and there was another person to add to share your small traditions with, hoping this would be the first of many things your family would share with Bucky going forward as your relationship with the brunette grew stronger. </p><p>Dinner was in the oven and your mom was in the kitchen, working on an apple pie for your twin. Bucky and you were sitting on the couch, cuddling and watching tv, when you heard a knock at the front door. “I'll get it,” you said, removing yourself from your boyfriend's embrace and getting up from the couch, making your way to the sound. It was a holiday and you weren’t expecting anyone, so there’s no telling who’s standing outside waiting. </p><p>Opening the door, you see a blond staring back at you; his hands in his pockets, shifting awkwardly on his feet. “Clinton. To what do we owe this pleasure?” You smirk and lean up against the door frame. </p><p>“Is uh, Steve here?” </p><p>Oh, this is good. “I don't know. It depends.” You shrug and grin, toying with the boy in front of you.</p><p>“Um, depends on what?” Clint scrunches up his face, uncertainty written on his face. </p><p>“On what your intentions are with my brother.” You cross your arms to your chest. </p><p>“Baby!” Bucky comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. “Leave him alone,” he kisses your temple and grins at Clint, “you're making him nervous.” </p><p>You smiled at Clint. “He should be! If he’s here, then he’s about to be introduced to my mother as Steve's boyfriend. I'd sure as hell be nervous if I was him You were!” </p><p>Bucky let's out a laugh. “Well I had just kicked a guy’s ass in her kitchen. Not something you want to associate with the guy your daughter is dating.” </p><p>“You know?!” Clint looks at you surprised, his mouth wide open. </p><p>“Of course, I know! I'm Steve's sister, why wouldn't I?” </p><p>“Cause, he said he never told anyone. So that means your boyfriend must've told you!” Clint held an accusing look at Bucky. </p><p>“Oh no! No way! I never said a word!”  Bucky quickly defends himself.</p><p>Before anything else can be said, Steve pushes his way through the door and looks around at everyone, his eyes fixate a little too long on Clint. “Uh, you guys gonna eat out here too?” </p><p>“Actually, I plan to stay right here and harass your boyfriend. I love to see him blush.”  </p><p>Steve’s eyes go wide in shock, and steps out of the house, shutting the door behind him. “Y/N! What the fuck?! How'd you know?” There's panic written all over his face.</p><p>You scoff at your twin and shake your head. “Please, you do realize you suck at secrets, right?” </p><p>The door opens and your mom looks out, glaring at the four of you. “I've got food, hot and ready. If the four of you don't get in here now, I will lock this door and you will spend the night under the stars while I get fat and happy and send the leftovers to the hospital.”  She turns and walks away leaving you all standing on the doorstep.</p><p>It doesn’t take long before your group all make your way into the house and to the kitchen, seeing the meal spread out in no particular order. The food looks and smells amazing and you’re so stupidly hungry that your stomach growls just looking at it all.  </p><p>“Mom…,” Steve’s standing next to Clint, looking at Sarah who's grabbing the basket of rolls and placing them on the table. </p><p>“Hmmmm?” She's looking at Steve with her eyebrows raised. The look on her face almost giving herself away, but not quite. <br/>“So… um… you know Clint, right?” </p><p>Clint waves at your mom. “Hi Mrs. Rogers.” She nods at him in return and goes back to setting out silverware for the feast. </p><p>Steve smiles and continues, nervously rubbing at the back of his neck. “Maybe I should introduce him properly.” </p><p>Your mom stops and looks up at Steve with a quirked eyebrow. “Properly?”  </p><p>“Well… uh, see Clint… he's uh, he's…,” Clint reaches out and places his hand on Steve's arm, in a sign of endearment, making him smile down at Clint and take in a deep breath. “Mom, meet my boyfriend.”  </p><p>“Fucking finally!” Sarah says and goes back to setting food on the table. “I didn't think you were gonna spit it out. Can we eat before the food gets cold?” You and Bucky start to laugh and sit down at the table, leaving Steve standing looking confused at the demeanor of your mom.  </p><p>“You're not upset?”  </p><p>“Why would I be?” Sarah replies and you stick your hand out, directly in her face. Your mom groans and takes a twenty dollar bill out of her pocket, placing it in your hand. “Thought you'd never tell us. Known it for years. I kinda thought you were interested in Bucky, the way he was always around, but that went in the shitter when those two started dating.”  </p><p>“You had a thing for Bucky?” Clint asks, pretending to be offended. “Is that why I could never come around when he was over?” </p><p>Steve starts blushing, his face beat red. “No! I swear Clint, he was always just a friend! I’d never be the guy who cheats… hold the fuck up, you two had a bet?!” The realization hits him like a ton of bricks.</p><p>Sarah's the one to laugh now. “Actually, the three of us had a bet…,” she's pointing between you, Bucky and herself, “we all bet twenty bucks. I said you'd come out around spring break, she chose Thanksgiving and Bucky said New Year’s.” </p><p>“The twin for the win!” You announce and grab a roll, setting it on your plate. </p><p>Bucky leans into your ear and whispers, “I'll pay you later.” </p><p>“Unfuckingbelievable! My own family is against me!” Steve pouts and throws himself down in a chair, being hella overdramatic.<br/>“Aww sweetheart, don't get so salty. They're just having fun.” Clint sits next to his boyfriend. </p><p>Your mom chuckles and brings over the platter of turkey and sets is down directly in the middle of the table. She then sits in her own chair and looks around at everyone gathered around for the holiday meal. No one touches anything, the four of you waiting on Sarah to say grace. Even if you weren't a Rogers, you'd best know that Sarah takes grace very seriously, and the shit will pop off if you touch anything before the matriarch says o’n.  </p><p>“Bucky, Clint, welcome.” She starts and smiles softly at the two newcomers. “This is the first of many holidays you'll probably spend in our home. You'll always have a place here at this table, as long as you're good to my kids. They've both been through a lot, and I'm sure you have too. Mi casa, su casa. You'll always be family here.” </p><p>“Thank you, Mrs. Rogers.” Bucky replies</p><p>“Yes, thank you.” Clint follows suit and Steve grabs his boyfriends’ hand and gives it a squeeze. </p><p>Sarah gives a knowing look and you all join hands, your mother ready to bless this meal. “Dear Dia, thank you for this food we are about to receive and the hands that helped prepare it. Thank you for the blessing of my two children, who make every day worth living and many thanks for allowing us to still be together to share this blessed day. This past year has been a rough one Dia, but you've seen us though and we will forever be in your debt. Thank you for the newcomers to our table and the relationships they have formed with Steve and Y/N, and may you continue to bless them as they go forward in love and life. And thank you James, for finding our Y/N and bringing her back into the light from the darkness within. You'll never know how much it means to both Steve and I to see her smiling face again. We have so many other things to be thankful for Dia, and our family will always be grateful and will never take a single thing for granted. In his name we pray, O’N.” </p><p>“O’N” Steve and you reply. </p><p>“Amen.” Bucky and Clint say in unison.</p><p>“Fies!” Sarah happily declares and the four of you dig in and start loading up your plates, Thanksgiving at the Rogers home ready to commence.</p><p> </p><p>Irish <br/>*Dia-Lord <br/>* o’n-amen  <br/>*fies-feast</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm so sorry about not updating this regularly like I had been, so instead I'll just post it and let you read.</p>
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    <p>The holidays came and went, and before you knew it, spring had almost sprung. Things had settled down and everyone found a routine that worked out, all of you doing your part to get things done. It wasn't all sunshine and roses, but the frustration was minimal and usually came from you and your twin and those things always worked themselves out.</p><p>Shortly after Bucky had moved in, he told your mom he wanted to get a job to help with the money situation. He knew having the extra person in the house would be a financial burden on her and he wanted to do his part. Sarah Rogers, the bad ass she was, was having none of that. “Your education is more important than a few extra dollars. I'll worry about the money, you worry about getting good grades,” she told him over dinner one evening. There was no winning against Sarah and the conversation was quickly dropped, never to be brought up again.</p><p>What none of you knew was Sarah Rogers was already receiving a check each month, courtesy of one George Barnes. When George returned from his getaway, Sarah went to the Barnes home and had a not so nice conversation with the deadbeat douche. Since George had abandoned and neglected his sixteen-year-old son, it was in his best interests to cooperate and pay monthly for his son’s expenses while staying in the Rogers home. George did not want Child Protective Services involved or anyone for that matter and he wasn’t about to have his image tarnished or his name slung through the mud, so letting the money go was the best way to not have to deal with his son and that’s something he could live with.</p><p>George also had no problem signing over guardianship of James to Sarah, having no desire to parent Bucky. Sarah was willing to step up and be legally responsible for the boy and felt he’d been neglected enough by the people that called themselves his parents. It was time an adult took an interest in him, nourishing and encouraging him along the way, making him aspire to achieve greatness and know his worth. Sarah Rogers would always go the extra mile for her kids, and she’d already accepted Bucky as one of her own. </p><p>March had just begun, and with that came Bucky's birthday. You were happy to spend his seventeenth birthday with him, but there was more to it than that. His birthday marked your five-month anniversary. It wasn't a six-month milestone people normally celebrated, but you wanted to make it special and memorable for the both of you. </p><p>It’d been five months and sex still hadn’t happened between you. Bucky was amazing at not pushing and letting you take the lead but it didn't mean all things were off the table. You've seen this dick, touching it and stroking him to orgasm, hand jobs becoming a normal occurrence in your bedroom. And in return, Bucky brought you to climax courtesy of his tongue and boy did he know how to use it! Your vagina had the pleasure of getting really acquainted with the masterpiece that was his mouth and he completely ruined you for anyone else in the future.</p><p>Even though you'd shared those intimacies, you still couldn't bring yourself to have penetrative sex. You'd tried several times, but it just wasn't happening. Bucky said it was okay, and was never upset, but you felt like a failure. How could you touch his cock and let him eat you out, but the moment his cock comes anywhere near your vagina, you freak! You needed help getting through this and needed someone to talk it out with.</p><p>Pulling out your phone, you went to your messages and brought up the conversation with your best friend, typing out a message and hitting send.</p><p>Y/N: Nat, I want to have sex with Bucky.</p><p>Nat: Well hello to you too, sunshine.</p><p>Y/N: Yeah, hi. Back to my original problem…..</p><p>Nat: Is that a question?</p><p>Y/N: Nat!!! Help me!!</p><p>Nat: You put the weed in the coconut and light that shit up.</p><p>Y/N: OMFG!! Fuck off… wait, you have weed?</p><p>Nat: *sigh* Well, unless you want to body swap, I'm pretty sure you're on your own. </p><p>Y/N: Ugh! Why are you so difficult?!</p><p>Nat: Because, I am the love of your life, (not Bucky. I've been with you longer), and the only one that puts up with the needy bitch you are. </p><p>Y/N: Then help me!!!!</p><p>Nat: You're so whiny. Take a fucking xanax already!</p><p>Y/M: I did, not helping! </p><p>Nat: Then eat a dick and shut your bitchy mouth.</p><p>Y/N: I can't… Bucky's not home!! And it's not my mouth that's talking, it's my fingers.</p><p>Nat: Then put them in your vag and leave me alone. </p><p>Y/N: Fine, you're not my BFF anymore. Guess I'll be giving myself to Bucky forever. You can no longer have my body when I die.</p><p>Nat: Shut up snatch, I'm on my way.</p><p>Y/N: Bring weed?</p><p>Nat shows up twenty minutes later, kisses you on the cheek and hands you a baggy. “DO NOT let your mom know! Momma Rogers will murder me!” </p><p>“I'll just blame it on Clint. He came over the other day smelling like skunk. Mom rushed them to the hospital and had ‘em drug tested. Steve's grounded by the way, if he didn't tell you already. He also lost his car for a month and mom is making him volunteer at the hospital.” </p><p>Nat shakes her head and the two of you head to your bedroom, locking the door behind you,<br/>lighting some candles and opening the window. Nat takes a joint out of the bag and lights it up, inhaling deep and handing it over. You repeat the process and the two of you continue passing it back and forth, not saying a word until you feel the drug take over.</p><p>“So, you wanna have sex with Bucky.” </p><p>Nodding, you take another puff. “Fuck yeah, I do.” You pass the joint back to her. </p><p>“What's stopping you?” </p><p>“Brock.” The name just rolled off your tongue without hesitation, mostly due to being blazed. </p><p>“I'm gonna say some shit cause we're high as fuck and it’s the only way I can say it...” she stops and glares at you waiting for approval to continue and you nod, giving her the go ahead. “Stop letting that fucker control you!! Not every dick is Brock's and Bucky seems like he has a nice size cock-” </p><p>“It is very nice…,” you interrupt, “Oh! And big too!” </p><p>Nat looks at you annoyed. “Don't interrupt me. Will you just fuck your man already! Once you do, I promise, you'll never want to stop.”</p><p>You sit in silence and try to process her directness. “Ok, but how?”  </p><p>Nat rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “I assume you know the logistics of fucking.” She takes another hit of the joint. </p><p>You sigh. “I can't just be like ‘hey Bucky, stick your dick in my vagina and fuck me!’” </p><p>“The fuck you can’t!” Nat raises her voice but then passes you the diminishing joint. “Just sit on his lap and ride him like the brahma bull he is.” <br/>Taking another puff, you furrow your eyebrows, confusion evident on your face. “Wait… what's a brahma bull?” </p><p>Nat rolls her eyes hard. “You know, The Rock?!” </p><p>You shrug. “Don’t know him. Should I?” </p><p>“Oh, my fucking god, I can’t with you!” She bursts out laughing, doubling over from the intensity. </p><p>You sit on your bed, your high at its peak, and you stare at your best friend. There's something you need to ask and now seems like the best time not knowing if you’ll ever muster up the courage to ever say these words again. “Nat… why didn't you stop me?” </p><p>Your best friend stops and sits up, her face going slack. “Would you have listened?” </p><p>Nodding, you lower your head. That wasn’t the only question you had but for the next one you couldn’t look her in the eye. “How long, Nat?” </p><p>“I don't follow?” </p><p>You look up at her, your eyes meeting hers. “Don't play dumb… how long?” </p><p>Nat shakes her head. “Does it matter now?” </p><p>You reach out and place a hand on top of hers. “It matters to me.”</p><p>“It changes nothing, right?!” She lifts her head and sighs. “Since middle school. I've been in love with you since middle school. Happy now? How’d you even know?!” </p><p>“I’ve always kinda knew, just had a feeling. And you should've said something. Things would’ve been a lot different and that ass bag would never have happened.” </p><p>Nat smiles. “You wouldn't be with Bucky, because I’d never let you go.” She leans in and kisses your cheek, making you blush. “You deserve Bucky. He's your forever and I'm just your very best friend.” </p><p>Grabbing her face softly, you look her in the eyes. “You're more than my best friend and no one could ever replace you in my life. Without you, I'd be lost. Bucky may be my forever, but you have my soul.”</p><p>Nat grabs you and pulls you into a fierce hug. “I love you, принцесса.” </p><p>“I love you, too.” It comes out muffled.</p><p>There’s a knock at the door, making you jump out of Nat’s tight embrace. “Baby, you in there?!” Bucky’s voice comes from the other side. </p><p>“Fuck, Nat! Hide the shit!” Nat grabs the baggie and puts it in her jacket. </p><p>“Honey? You ok?” He knocks again and you hear him jiggle the doorknob. </p><p>“Just a second, I'm coming!” You yell at the door. “Spray my perfume!” You point to the bottle on your dresser and watch as she grabs it and begins spraying around the room. </p><p>You move to the door and open it to see your boyfriend standing there, a look of concern on his face. “Hi!” You say, the grin on your face not hiding anything. </p><p>Bucky eyes you and then Nat and inhales deeply. “Are you high?” </p><p>“Who me? I don't know what you're talking about?” You try to hold back a laugh, but it doesn't work. “It's her fault!” You point at Nat but turn back to see Bucky's mad face. </p><p>Nat shrugs. “Hey, I just supplied it, didn't tell you to smoke it.”</p><p>Bucky huffs and shakes his head. “You know if your mom finds out she'll give you a worse punishment than Steve, right?” </p><p>You wrap your arms around his neck and put your face close to his. “So, don't tell and I'll make it worth your while.” You lean in and kiss him softly. </p><p>Bucky rolls his eyes. “Better clean up and get the smell out. I'm not sleeping in here if it still stinks. I refuse to endure the wrath of Sarah Rogers.” He gives you a chaste kiss. “I'll go start dinner. Nat.” He tips his head and walks out, leaving you with your best friend. </p><p>“He sleeps in here now?” Nat asks and grabs her coat, putting it on. </p><p>“Yep. Told mom we weren't having sex because I wasn't ready. He told her it wasn't a deal breaker and he could wait. Guess it was enough.” </p><p>She chuckles. “And now you want to have sex. How fitting, just don't get caught.” </p><p>You smirk. “Do I ever?”</p><p>Nat rolls her eyes and stands up from the bed. “I'm gonna go. Give me a hug bitch!” Nat holds out her arms and you step into her embrace. </p><p>“Thanks for coming through and for the talk, but Bucky effectively killed my buzz.” </p><p>Nat laughs just a little, amused by your comment. “I'll see myself out, you rest. Sleep that shit off.” She starts to walk out of your room but stops in the doorway and turns back around. “You know you really didn’t need me to talk you through this. You’re ready for the next step. Stop doubting yourself. He’s not him, never will be. Get your man and make me proud.” She winks and then disappears through the door.</p><p>Throwing yourself on the bed you know she’s right. Bucky will never be Brock so there’s nothing to worry about. This time around it’ll mean something to both of you and things could never be as fucked up as it was when you both lost your virginity to other people. You’re ready and it’s time to give yourself completely to each other, and you know the perfect time and place to make that happen.</p>
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